Authentically, Uniquely You by Meyer Joyce

Author:Meyer, Joyce [Meyer, Joyce]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: FaithWords
Published: 2021-09-06T16:00:00+00:00

3. Controlling people manipulate by trying to make you feel guilty or as though you owe them something.

I took care of my parents and my aunt in their old age. Dave and I paid for them to live in one of the nicest assisted-living facilities in our city. Eventually they had to go into nursing home care at the same facility due to health issues that could not be managed without skilled care. Often, when I visited my mother, she had a list of items she said she needed, most of which were frivolous, not things she truly needed. On one occasion, I recall her telling me that I was “supposed” to take care of her because she was my mother. This was a rather foolish statement, considering the fact that she never took care of me when my father was abusing me. She was trying to manipulate me by making me feel that I owed her something and trying to make me feel guilty by insinuating I wasn’t doing enough for her.

I urge you to be wise enough to recognize these kinds of tactics and resist them wholeheartedly. I took good care of my mother, but had I allowed her to control me, she would have taken up most of my time, and letting her do that would not have been right for me.

I have learned an important lesson about control, and I urge you to remember it: The longer we allow someone to control us, the more difficult it is to break free from their grasp. Staying in a relationship with someone who is controlling allows the fear of that person to become rooted in the very fiber of our being, and it colors or affects everything. My father was extremely controlling, and my fear of him caused me to try to please him when he was unhappy or in a bad mood—or even appeared to be upset. I would do almost anything to avoid another violent and explosive blowup in the family. My mother usually tried to avoid him, especially if he was unhappy, which was most of the time, but my default mode was to try to please him.

We cannot live an authentic life and celebrate our uniqueness unless we live in freedom. To embrace who God has made us to be, we must live under the influence and guidance of the Holy Spirit, not under the control of any human being. God wants us to follow His will, not the will of other people.

You may have read this chapter and thought about people who have controlled you. You may be able to relate to my story about my controlling father, or you may have a controlling boss, or you may struggle with control in social relationships or in your extended family. Control happens in all kinds of situations. No matter how it has affected your life thus far, there is hope for you. You do not have to live that way, and in the next chapter, I want to help you break free from it.

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