All My Friends Have Issues by Amanda Anderson

Author:Amanda Anderson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2019-05-14T00:00:00+00:00

Not-So-Friendly Competition

These stories about my nemeses are included in a book about female friendship because I believe we don’t just struggle with competing with our archenemies. We struggle with competing with our friends because competition between women is so pervasive in our culture. The Bachelor is in its twenty-second season, and if that doesn’t prove that women like to judge each other, I don’t know what will. In addition to its attraction as romantic escapism, women love reality shows like The Bachelor because it allows us to be gossipy about other women without feeling guilty; once they’re on television, they’re fair game.

For these reasons I believe women who truly have an affection for one another’s well-being will change the world and win women to Christ. They will stand out like bright lights in our competitive culture. Jesus said, “By this all the world will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” And Paul said, “Love is not proud and does not boast.” In other words, love does not compete. Love says, “I love how God made you. Go be the best version of yourself.” But often, our lack of confidence in the way God made us makes it hard for us to celebrate how God made others.

Here’s an example of how it often goes down among women: my daughter Olivia was in Girl Scouts for five years, and I’m a little too disorganized and rebellious to be a particularly good mother to a Girl Scout with all its correct badge-placement and permission-slip signing. But when themed snacks are involved, I have a talent to contribute. One year on St. Patrick’s Day, I made marshmallow treats with Lucky Charms instead of Rice Krispies and fruit skewers in a rainbow pattern. When I showed up for the meeting with my tray, none of the moms said, “How cute! How fun! Thanks for doing this for our daughters!” Instead a couple of them said, “Man, you’re making us all look bad.”

Even though they were joking (I think), I walked away feeling kind of depressed at the state of womanhood. Look, I’m lousy at permission slips. And the year I tried to be the Girl Scout troop’s Cookie Manager, I screwed up the inventory in the Excel spreadsheet so badly that my husband had to come home from work and rescue me the day it was due. But I can make a rainbow fruit skewer. Can someone please celebrate that with me?

At the same time, I understand. I know I’ve made the same kinds of comments to other women who are good at things I struggle with (like those who always remember the permission slips, or look good in tight, patterned workout pants). But I’m working on it, sisters. Will you join me? Because even these casual remarks of comparison reinforce the lie that we are rivals rather than running mates in the race to live out our purpose.

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