All in the Best Possible Taste by Tom Bromley

Author:Tom Bromley [Bromley, Tom]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781847378545
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

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Stork

There is a danger that lurks in British supermarkets of the 1980s – a stalker (or should that be storker?) who lies in wait by the dairy counter for his unsuspecting victims. One minute they’re there, quite happily putting a pat of butter or tub of margarine in their shopping basket, and the next they have smooth-talking TV presenter Leslie Crowther leaping out at them with a camera crew and host of accusatory questions.

‘You haven’t chosen Stork SB margarine,’ Crowther both observes and chides. ‘Now, why haven’t you?’

To be honest, it won’t matter what their reply is, because before they know it Crowther has whipped them off for a ‘taste test’ – a challenge which he gives to the husband rather than to the non-Stork-buying wife. The husband does, unsurprisingly, prefer the taste of Stork SB, so Crowther turns back to the non-Stork-buying wife and asks what she’s going to do about it. The implication, presumably, being: ‘Listen up, women of Britain! Don’t deprive your hard-working husband of what he really likes, or you’ll only have yourself to blame!’

On one particular occasion, Crowther is talking to some more non-Stork women when a slightly pushy older woman sees him from across the aisle and barges into the conversation. This woman loves Stork, and can’t wait to tell Crowther and his interviewees how great the margarine is.

‘You’re not married yet then, are you?’ she asks a non-Stork woman. No. ‘That’s it, then,’ she says conspiratorially. ‘When you get married, you’ll know.’

Know what? I’ve been married for five years and I’m still not really sure what she’s on about. All I can think is that she’s suggesting that margarine is what lubricates a successful long-term relationship, while butter is only good for a quick Last Tango in Paris.

If you’re eating toast while you’re reading this, I’m really sorry.

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