After the Rain by John Bowen

Author:John Bowen [John Bowen]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3
ISBN: 9780571305124
Publisher: Faber & Faber
Published: 2013-08-29T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHT

Becalmed

One of the beliefs that we used to hold in the Army was that the Authorities put saltpetre in the N.A.A.F.I. tea, and by that means prevented the more lustful among us from running wild; a counter view was that the hard work and exercise to which we were not accustomed had the same effect. Meanwhile near any Army Camp the bushes bloomed with limp rubber sheaths, and the bellies of a few unlucky local girls began to swell; neither saltpetre nor exercise, it seemed, were enough in themselves to destroy desire.

Arthur had no saltpetre with which to dose us, and the work was light as we lay becalmed, but of course we were not very well nourished; at any rate he had no trouble with us in that way. One falls so quickly into a habit of living. It was not making love to Sonya that I missed, but something much more important to me, that feeling of being together which we had shared in the dinghy, but which now seemed to have been lost. We were no longer a pair, it seemed to me, but part of a group of eight; I felt that I had no more part in Sonya than the others had. “We’re never alone together nowadays,” I said, as we cleaned fish in the galley for the evening meal.

“We’re alone now.”

“Not really. Someone might come in.”

“Do you want us to be alone?”

“Of course I do.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t want to talk about anything. I just want to be with you.”

“You’re with me all the time.”

“Oh, never mind.”

“Well,” Sonya said, “if you’re going to go off at me about it….” She put down her knife, and wiped her fishy hands on her bikini. Then she led me out on deck, and down the ladder into the hold. At the bottom of the ladder she turned and faced me. “We’re alone now,” she said. “You needn’t worry about being overheard, if you don’t shout.”

“But we’re not….”

“What?”

“You can’t just be alone,” I said. “You have to be in the mood. It’s a state of mind.”

“All right,” she said. “Let’s go back. When you’re in the mood for being alone, we can come down here again.”

I said, “You don’t understand.”

“Yes I do,” Sonya said, “you are a fool. Do I have to ask you to kiss me, or what?” I took her face between my hands, and kissed her. Her body pressed against mine, and my arms slid down her back. I swayed, and very nearly fell over. “I think we’d better sit down,” I said.

As we lay on the floor together, Sonya snuggled into me, shivering a little under my exploring hands. For some time we lay there, silent. Then she said, “Do you think I don’t miss you?”

I kissed her again passionately, and she placed my hand back on her shoulders. “Not now,” she said, “it’s not important.”

“But——”

“After all, it’s only sex,” she said. “We can have that at any time. Let’s just be together now.

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