Adolf Hitler: my part in his downfall by Spike Milligan

Author:Spike Milligan
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Autobiography: General, Humour, Spike, Entertainment & Performing Arts, Milligan, Political, 1939-1945, Comedians, General, Topic, Humor, World War II, British, english, Biography & Autobiography, Military, Soldiers, World War, Personal narratives, History
ISBN: 9780140035209
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 1972-01-01T08:46:36.766000+00:00

Gunner Naze about to commence has famous jump

FEBRUARY 1941

MOVE FROM TURKEY ROAD SCHOOL TO HAILSHAM

One Sunday morning we Roman Catholics were religiously gathered around playing Pontoon. A devout Scots gunner was about to say ‘Pontoons Only’ when Bombardier Bastard entered. “Stop,” he said. The Scots gunner with a twenty-one hand, and therefore heir to a fortune, collapsed. Bastard spoke the well-known phrase: “Prepare to Move! Kit packed by 06:00 hours! Parade 06:15 hours! Full F.S.M.O.!” We were off again.

“Yes lads,” said Bastard through clenched teeth, “we’re all going tat-tars.” He then detailed Edgington and myself to clean up the officers’ billets at ‘Trevissick’.

“You will report back tue billets before 15:00 hours, understan’?” We understan’. We put on our denims and with two brooms grumbled our way to ‘Trevissick’, a house in the posh area of Bexhill known as The Highlands. We picked up bits of paper, rusty blades, a sock, a broken record of Al Bowley singing ‘Buddy can you spare a dime?’

“He’s broke,” I punned. We burnt all the rubbish and the brooms, then! a bit of Ould Oirish Luck. There in the corner of the garage was a crate of certain bottles. We drew nigh, and lo! there were two full bottles of liquid. One marked Barbados Rum, and the other, Soda Water. Being of a patriotic mien I volunteered to taste the rum in case it was poisoned. “I can’t let you take all the risk,” said Harry, “I must drink my share.” The tasting went on for quite a while. Also being of a scientific mind, from time to time we mixed, the soda with the rum. We gave of our best for over an hour. At 12:00 hours we were wandering, drinking, giggling, somewhere in Mill Wood. I challenged Edgington to a tree-climbing race. He said I couldn’t climb a tree for toffee. I said, “Who climbs trees for toffee? I get mine in a shop.”

At 13:00 hours we were still wandering, drinking and giggling, in a tree in Mill Wood. I said I could leap from the tree and say ‘My Mum’s Monkey Makes Many Mistakes’ before I hit the ground. He said, Rubbish, I’d never get further than Mum’s Monkey, but he could. I jumped but forgot to say it. He said it but forgot to jump, so he jumped while I said it.

The sun was setting, and an early crescent moon sailed towards the evening sky. (gunner Edgington lay on his back, looking up the neck of an empty rum bottle. “All gone,” he said. “Gone, all gone,” I said from the same position. We both stood up. He saluted, and fell down. I did an imitation of ‘Last Post’ over his recumbent body. “England’s a beautiful country,” he said and was sick. I don’t know how, but we ended up at the house of a Lady Friend, a pretty girl with hairy legs, who was getting married next week. We sat and listened to her play Chopin. I sang “Chopin, I

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