Act Like a Lady by Keltie Knight & Becca Tobin & Jac Vanek

Author:Keltie Knight & Becca Tobin & Jac Vanek [Knight, Keltie & Tobin, Becca & Vanek, Jac]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2020-06-02T00:00:00+00:00

I Don't Want to Go to Your Birthday Party (How to Say No)

Rule number one: You can’t be everything to everyone. If you think you can, you are gonna burn out fast. When you’re saying yes to someone else, you might actually be saying no to yourself. This is not us telling you it’s okay to be a selfish asshole all the time! There’s a balance between only doing things that make you happy and being a doormat that spends every waking moment making everyone else happy.

You have to find the in-between. It has taken us a lot of trial and error, and what feels like a lifetime, to figure out how to say no with grace, but once we did, it was euphoric. When you get an invitation, it might feel like you need to RSVP immediately and stand by that decision like your life depends on it. But you have to learn to receive the invitation and really take inventory of how important your presence is. What does the day look like for you? Do you have a ton of work to do, and can you afford the hangxiety it may bring? Are there going to be energy vampires there that will suck you emotionally dry? Is your ex going to show up and ruin everyone’s time? Would you rather sit on your couch in your sweatpants and watch reruns of Seinfeld? Take a breather, have a glass of wine, and then make a decision. Think about these important questions, and don’t jump to saying yes just because you’re feeling ambitious and want to please people. If your answer is no, that’s okay. We’re all adults, and most of us don’t have time to go to Natalie’s third birthday party of the month. And by the way, most of the time nobody actually cares if you show up or not. Don’t use that fake pressure and made-up guilt in your own head to make a decision.

Most important, weigh how necessary that event is. Don’t RSVP to your best friend’s wedding and bail the night before because you’re “burnt out” from too many happy hours. Don’t say yes to fifteen birthday parties and then say no to your friend’s mother’s funeral because “Funerals make you uncomfortable.” Guess what? They make everyone uncomfortable, especially the person who died (Becca only agreed to write this book to make this specific point).

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