Abba, Give Me a Word by L. Roger Owens

Author:L. Roger Owens
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Paraclete Press
Published: 2012-04-12T04:00:00+00:00

Often it feels as if all we have to offer is a mess—broken fragments of a life, rough and sharp-edged shards, which probably ought to be thrown away before anyone sees them—certainly not dragged into the light of day, not shown to a friend, not even a spiritual friend, and especially not to God. What could God possibly do with these fragments—with this mess?

As I write this it’s December and the invitations to Christmas parties are going around. When you call someone to accept an invitation to a party, what’s the first thing you say? Can I bring anything? We think we are saying that because we want to be helpful. But I think we really can’t bear to show up empty-handed—just us. That wouldn’t be good enough. “Oh, don’t bring a thing,” says the voice on the other end. “We have everything taken care of. Just bring yourself.”

Who would ever let that happen? So you stop by the store on the way to the party, buy a bottle of wine with a fancy label, and slip it into one of those reusable wine bags, probably one of those someone brought you the last time you had a party. And when you arrive at the house, the host opens the door, and you smile and hold the bag out and say, “I know you said don’t bring anything, but we just brought a little something.”

Because behind the bottle of wine in that bag and behind that smile is, well, just you. And who could bear to show up with just that?

One of the fundamental moves we learn as part of the Christian life, and we practice it every time we offer one of our stories in spiritual direction, is how to show up to God’s house empty-handed, with nothing to hold out in front of us to deflect attention from the pile of fragments that is our messy life. Nothing to hide behind.

“Just bring yourself,” God says, “I’ve taken care of all the rest.”

But Lord, if I just bring myself, all I have to offer is this quivering mass of fear and doubt and anxiety (and, if I’m honest, love and hope) and regret and . . .

“Great,” God says. “That’s all I want.”

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