A Voice of Her Own by Barbara Dana

Author:Barbara Dana
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

The days after Christmas were filled with Meetings of the Impenitent. We were not penitent, not remorseful for our sins. As the primary sin in question was Original Sin and since I did not believe that I or any other of God’s creatures had been born in it, I had a hard time feeling remorseful for something that never happened. No matter. Each afternoon the Impenitent were called to meet with Miss Lyon in Room B to discuss the seriousness of our situation. The topics discussed included, but were not limited to, Hardness of the Heart, Damnation, Choose Ye This Day Whom Ye Will Serve, Excuses Made by Sinners for Not Submitting to Jesus Now, Total Depravity, and The Nature of Sin.

As we neared the time for our winter vacation—it began late in January—our numbers were fading. Each night another would weep, then the walls of reticence all awash, cross to the shore of Everlasting Protection, and I alone at sea, amid the storms of uncertainty, left to fend for myself. When the term ended I was very much relieved. Two whole weeks in the bosom of my Family!

Upon my arrival Vinnie looked more beautiful than ever, her dimensions being the envy of all the girls. She was beginning to attract considerable interest from the boys in her class, a delight to her and a matter of grave concern to Father. Vinnie and I laughed a great deal, outdoing each other with precise, perceptive mimic of many an unsuspecting neighbor. At night in our bed I told her disaster stories, the kind she so admired, making them up as I went along, or exaggerating details from actual events at school.

Mother was not well. I forget what the trouble was—a dullness of mood and something with the feet. We had to be quiet so as not to interrupt her rest. Father had just had a birthday, and not having been with him to share it, I baked him some delicious gingerbread as a present. In addition I drew him a picture in which he was carrying an extremely large briefcase, and me at the door of our house, holding the bread as he approached. He said he would keep the picture always, if not the bread. That he would eat.

That same night Father told me I would not be returning to Mt Holyoke after the first year. The Seminary program is of three years—duration. Although most girls complete one year only, I thought, being of superior intellect and doing so well in my studies, Father might consider me an exception. Several girls were completing a full two years. But Father felt a year was enough for his “delicate flower.” The ease and peace of Home would be best for my fragile constitution. I would end my schooling in August.

I was of two minds regarding Father’s decision. I would miss the studies. There is so much to learn in this world and always things one did not know before. I find it exciting to spend days gathering insight into the many wonders all around.

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