You Have to be Careful in the Land of the Free by James Kelman

Author:James Kelman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780141962764
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2005-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

Sure he’s a guy. He wont stop for nothing and nobody. And no dogs, he dont stop for dogs, he goes over the top of dogs. Dogs dont like him, they know something is wrong with him, they know it. Animals are wise, hey Peppy?

Miss Perpetua nodded.

That was some weird thing how he appeared mister it was so goddam precipitate, like myself and herself, we were there and suddenly you got them tiny ol cart wheels turning and there he is. So he’s got to walk along here between them like 12-seaters and them there trucks, it’s the only way he can go. So me and Peppy what do we do, we just like step right in front of his dang grocery cart, yeh and the dogs, we just stand there like what is he going to walk over the top of us!

Christ, I whispered, that’s brave.

Suzanne frowned.

Naw, I said, I dont mean it in a sexist way if that’s what ye’re thinking. I wouldnay have eh christ almighty I would have used the word “brave” even if ye were a feller for god sake, the two of yez, honest, I’m no being sexist at all, I mean I just, christ ye know me by now surely. I aint no goddam sexist christ, Suzanne, ye know that.

She and Miss Perpetua were looking at me. Silence was a better policy. I hadnay been in the slightest sexist but to continue the conversation would prove disastrous. It was a typical male-to-female misunderstanding and should have been left at that. If there was a battle it was one I could only lose. And I was sick of losing battles. A lot of it was needless shite, brought on by nonsense, by circumstances, my ayn foolishness, the usual. I had so much to learn. Okay, I whispered, the truth is it was sexist.

Miss Perpetua breathed in sharply.

Yeh, I said, I take it back, it was stupit and ach, of course it was sexist. At the same time but anybody that confronts the being is exhibiting the opposite of cowardice as far I’m concerned and yous two did just that.

Suzanne pursed her lips.

The two of yez, I said and smiled at Miss Perpetua.

Suzanne brought out her cigarettes and handed one to her, then offered the pack to me. Okay, she whispered, here is what happened when that being guy rumbled into here

How ye mean rumbled?

The sound he made, them wheels on his grocery cart. Me and her now we managed to get round the front of him and we stood motionless, barring his route, them dogs in the middle. But that guy did not flinch mister, on he came pushing the cart, pushing it towards us. But now when he reached to us he kind of paused there like he moved from one foot to the other like marching time is what he was doing it was uncanny and scary, hey Peppy?

Miss Perpetua nodded. I was about to speak but thought better of it.

We could

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