When Two Become One by Christopher McCluskey & Rachel McCluskey

When Two Become One by Christopher McCluskey & Rachel McCluskey

Author:Christopher McCluskey & Rachel McCluskey [McCluskey, Christopher]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: REL012000, FAM030000, FAM040000
ISBN: 9781585581221
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2012-10-28T16:00:00+00:00

I love working with couples like this. It’s not that they don’t have a problem—they certainly do. Premarital sex always (and I repeat, always) creates some degree of problems, with comparison and distorted expectations being some of the most common. But Rob and Sherry were two mature people who truly loved each other. What’s more, they loved the Lord and were committed to their marriage and to working this problem through. That’s a lot of reason for hope for real change and growth.

This was an intimate marriage between two mature people. Looking at the Lovemaking Cycle, we confirmed that they were able to ensure privacy, energy, and time. They allowed themselves to mentally anticipate, had some fairly clear ways of initiating, and mutually consented to lovemaking. They were fine in the first quadrant of the model. The problems arose as they transitioned into the second quadrant, Arousal.

In this phase, couples begin to allow their bodies to communicate the same message their hearts and lives have expressed throughout the day. This requires tuning out the world and tuning into each other as clothing is removed and they become naked physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. As they begin to caress each other’s erogenous zones, their awareness becomes flooded with a plethora of sensory cues.

Playful Vulnerability

As much as our bodies hunger for this kind of touch and our hearts yearn to be ravished, many couples struggle greatly with allowing for it. If there is going to be a breakdown in lovemaking, quadrant two is often where it occurs. This is because the first key ingredient for arousal is a playful vulnerability. We must come to the marital bedroom in the same childlike spirit that Jesus instructed us to come to the Father. This is not a childishness but a child-likeness, full of curiosity, excitement, and willingness to risk.

To be vulnerable means to become so transparent that we hold nothing back; we become entirely naked physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We give all that we are to our spouse and receive all of who our spouse is, with nothing between us. The antithesis of this is cultures in which sex is viewed so disparagingly that couples never see each other naked. I’ve heard of a group in which couples had sexual relations with a sheet between them with a hole in it to allow for penetration. Although this sounds absurd to us, we can easily create the same effect emotionally and spiritually by giving our body but holding back our soul and our spirit. We can complete the act and never really give our self.

This is a common experience for many couples, because making ourselves vulnerable puts us at risk of being hurt—being spurned or criticized or made to feel foolish. No one wants to experience these things, but, when we try to guard against them, we fail to give ourselves completely in love. We can guard ourselves in many ways, such as only partially disrobing, insisting that all lights be turned off, stifling any


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