Trump, Ghost Hunter: Believe Me, I know Ghosts: The Paranormal Adventures of The World's Greatest Ghost Hunter by Helnnent Joey

Author:Helnnent, Joey [Helnnent, Joey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Unknown
Published: 2016-02-01T00:00:00+00:00

Trump versus Chupacabra and Mummies

I love Latinos. I love Hispanics. No one loves Latinos and Hispanics and Mexicans more than me. But we must understand... the leaders of Mexico are different, the Mexican Government is forcing their most unwanted people and ghosts and monsters into the United States. They are, in many cases, criminals, drug dealers, rapists, poltergeists, mummies, and chupacabras. which is undeniable. But, if you’re not part of the Mexican Government or a drug dealer, criminal or rapist, evil ghost, Aztec mummy or blood-sucking goat killer than you’re probably good people. Now, obviously Mexico is falling apart, it’s overcrowded, it’s hot, it DOES NOT smell good; I mean look how many people want to live in the United States, A LOT!

What most people don’t know is that most of the Mexicali citizens coming to America are doing so because of the massive infestation of that country and its neighbors by chupacabras and mummies.

Now, I’ve done a ton of business in Mexico and South America, I’ve made a lot of people rich and I’ve made a lot of money for myself yet no matter how much I have tried to help those countries the U.S. has become a dumping ground for their problems, sadly, the overwhelming amount of supernatural crime in our major cities is committed by Aztec mummies and Mexican chupacabras. Since no one wants to stop it, I will.

Years ago I went to visit Mexico on business and I was asked by then President of Mexico Vicente Fox to meet with him about something very important. Before I go any further with the story let me just say, Fox is an asshole. Anyway, he tells me that they are having a problem with a chupacabra who has teamed up with an ancient Aztec mummy and the two of them are just destroying villages and cities all over Mexico. He gets on his knees and begs me to help. Well, I’m a helpful person, no one helps more than me, so I agree to help.

They take me to a village in the middle of nowhere and this place is like a city of garbage-people, it’s a disaster, the houses are made of mud, there are no casinos or hotels, you get my point... it’s a wasteland. Knowing what I know about mummies and chupacabras I hire four dirty street children to lay motionless on the ground, in the sweltering sun, for hours. This costs me less than twenty cents. Anyway they start to sweat they cry and right around 7 P.M. I hear the shuffling of a mummy and the hopping of a chupacabra. They rush the children, gorging themselves on the tender, young, sweating, nubian-like flesh of the children and that is when I pounce.

I hit the mummy with an upper cut to the jaw and his head bounces into the night, removing the head of a mummy kills it, I know this from my fights with other mummies. Then I grab the chupacabra and stick a wooden stake in his brain; this is also how you kill a chupacabra.

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