The Oberon Book of Comic Monologues for Women by Katy Wix

Author:Katy Wix [Wix, Katy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781783199235
Publisher: OBERON BOOKS Ltd
Published: 2015-10-13T04:00:00+00:00

HONESTY

My earliest memory involves a pushchair, a stuffed purple snake, my mother’s ankles and a sore nose. How very Freudian! Or is it Jungian? What was actually happening, I have no idea. I may well have missed out a major detail that would give the other fragments of memory a context. But this is exactly how I remember it. I could have lied. I could have easily conjured up something more impressive or just incredibly ‘piss yourself’ funny. But, I stopped myself. Note to self – you are getting better at not bullshitting – well done you!

One’s first memory is like one’s first reality check. Modern philosophy happens to agree with me. If one’s first memory becomes a lie then there’s nothing to stop every other memory from then on succumbing to hyperbole is there?

I lie a lot. ‘Did you’, my friends would often affectionately enquire, ‘make that last bit up?’ That was how the running joke would go. Why do most people lie? I think it is usually for four reasons: the first being that real life is boring, the second reason is because the person in question has something to hide, the third: to protect someone from a hurtful truth, and the final reason stands for the thousands of other reasons why people lie. My reason? The combination of a likeable imagination, the typical attention-span of anyone my age, fatigue, but above all else just the simple urge to keep my audience entertained. If I’m halfway through an anecdote and I see my audience, whether it be a singular person, family pet or a large group, start to flag, then I will just take an all-time favourite ending and tag it on to the end of the story I’m telling. The results are always thrilling. Reaction times vary from person to person, but speaker and listener will always share in the unexpected ending of the story – almost as if the speaker is hearing the story for the first time too. Now what could be a more loving gesture than treating your companion to a convincing well-told lie? My pleasure!

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