The Snow Angel by Glenn Beck & Nicole Baart

Author:Glenn Beck & Nicole Baart [Beck, Glenn & Baart, Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, General, Religion, Christmas & Advent, Christian, Holidays
ISBN: 9781451649598
Publisher: Threshold Editions
Published: 2011-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 11

RACHEL

October 20

With Cyrus in California, Lily and I decided to have a sleepover. We gathered her lavender pillow and a handful of teddy bears and watched a princess movie in the king-sized bed I shared with her father. Cyrus would have been furious if he knew that I spread a bath towel over the bedspread and painted Lily’s toenails in the flickering light of the TV, but for once I didn’t care. After reliving my snow angel memory, I was exhausted and dazed, tingling with emotions I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

It helped to listen to Lily’s gasps and giggles as a preteen beauty found her on-screen prince. But it was even more therapeutic to know that when my daughter remembered her childhood, it would be blessedly devoid of the drama I had endured. I had worked hard to give Lily a happy, stable life, and as I watched her lovely profile, I knew that I had succeeded. At least, in part.

I played in the snow with my daughter. Baked her cookies, told her she was beautiful, painted her toenails. And though Cyrus was far from the ideal father, he didn’t hurt Lily—physically or otherwise. He more or less left her alone. But with the truth of my one precious father-memory still stinging the frayed edge of my soul, I was sorry that Lily would never know that sort of love. Even if it was as brief and temporary as an extinguished flame.

“Lil?” I asked when the credits were rolling. “Are you happy?”

My daughter turned to me and crinkled her nose. The delicate dusting of freckles across the bridge rose and fell. “Of course, I’m happy. I have purple toes!” She waggled her feet at me.

“I don’t mean about your toes, I mean …” But I didn’t know how to say what I meant. It was too big, too heavy for someone so young.

Lily seemed to sense my hesitation. She crossed her legs beneath her and regarded me seriously. “There is something that would make me very happy,” she said carefully.

“What?”

“I’d like to meet my grandpa.”

A sad laugh burst from me before I could stop it. “Honey, I haven’t seen your grandpa in years.”

“Why?”

Why indeed. It was a sticky, impossible question and I didn’t know how to answer it. How far back did I have to go to find the place where our roads diverged? How could I explain that sometimes a thousand little things added up to something so big it had the power to crush a relationship? If I tried to tell Lily about every small argument and misunderstanding, they would seem like nothing at all. But when I stacked them all side by side, they became an un-scalable wall.

Never mind the fact that I had made my choice long ago. When Cyrus swept in like my personal Prince Charming, my dad seemed to automatically fall into the role of the wicked stepfather. In the light of the impossible romance that was kindled, everything my dad did and said was cast into shadows and suspicion.

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