The Pride (NHB Modern Plays) by Alexi Kaye Campbell

Author:Alexi Kaye Campbell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Nick Hern Books

ACT TWO

2008

An office. Behind the desk sits PETER. A bit of a wide boy. OLIVER is sitting on the other side of the desk.

PETER. So I’m talking to Seb Nichols and he says, ‘If you’re looking for a good queer writer, I know the best one in town.’ Is that all right? I mean, using that word, the word ‘queer’, is that all right? No offence, I hope.

OLIVER. No offence taken.

PETER. Coz you never fucking know, do you? I mean, if you’re using the right word. I mean, I know the whole political correctness thing’s over – what the hell was that about? – but I’m not the kind of guy who enjoys offending people. Thing is, you never know what the right word is. I thought the word queer might be to you guys what the N-word is to blacks. All right amongst yourselves, but…

OLIVER. Queer’s fine, queer’s fine.

PETER. Pushing out the boundaries, that’s what I’m talking about. I don’t know if you happened to see the piece we did on Iraq.

OLIVER. No, I missed that.

PETER. This young kid gets back from the war and he’s lost both his fucking arms. And we follow him for a week, I mean, it’s like his diary or something, you know, stuff like how his life has changed and all the shit he has to deal with, stuff like his girlfriend walking out on him, and little shit too, everyday things like using a cashpoint and how the fuck he gets from A to B and this piece is very moving, I mean, it pushes people’s buttons, makes them think. Powerful.

OLIVER. I’m sure.

PETER. Coz there’s more to life than tits and arse, tits and arse, tits and arse with a little football thrown in for good measure. And I’m not saying we’re gonna turn into the New Statesman overnight, but we’ve got a wide readership out there, and most of them are impressionable young lads and, you know what they say, with power comes responsibility and all that.

OLIVER. So they say.

PETER. Coz the thing is, Oliver, most of these lads just love sex. Fuck, most of them would fuck a pig. And you know what I’m saying about ‘times are changing’, I mean, they are, believe me. The other night I’m out with all these mates and this one guy, his name’s Dave and he’s a bit of an arsehole but not a bad guy, and he’s had a few and he’s telling us about his trip to Thailand and he’s left his girlfriend back at the Shangri-La or wherever the fuck they’re staying at and he’s walking the streets and feeling horny, as you do, and next thing you know he’s having his dick sucked by a lady-boy. A fucking lady-boy. So he’s telling us this and we’re all fucking, ‘You did what?’ and he’s saying, ‘Best fucking blowjob I ever had,’ and we’re all taking the piss and everything and having a laugh, and two minutes after that we’re all playing snooker again and the thing’s forgotten.

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