The Mechanical Messiah by Robert Rankin

Author:Robert Rankin [Rankin, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780575086357
Publisher: Gollancz
Published: 2011-01-01T08:00:00+00:00

Upon the departure strip of the Royal London Spaceport stood a single ship of space preparing to depart. It was a somewhat battered old hulk, although serviceable, and Colonel Katterfelto, arriving half an hour before, had identified it to be none other than—

‘The good old Marie Lloyd, Darwin. Flown in this old spacebird before, damn me. Very small world at times, doncha think?’ he asked.

Darwin had agreed that yes, he considered that it really was a very small world at times. Perhaps at certain times to a degree where such an abundance of coincidences surely argued for the existence of a higher force, orchestrating such coincidences for a purpose presently beyond all Earthly comprehension.

‘Possibly so,’ the colonel had said. ‘Now give us a hand with me bags.’

The bags were now aboard the Marie Lloyd. The Jovians too were all aboard and they were all strapped in. Their luggage and their weapons stowed, their space-sickness tablets taken. Corporal Larkspur was demonstrating how to use the oxygen masks, if they were needed, and where the emergency exits were.

Colonel Katterfelto took a last look at the Earth through the open doorway. ‘Van Allen’s Belt and braces,’ puffed the colonel. ‘The bally Crystal Palace is ablaze. Folk in their thousands running down the hill.’

Exactly why the sounds of all this had failed to reach the spacecraft before now was open to conjecture. Some form of acoustic anomaly, perhaps, or the direction of the prevailing wind. Or a careless oversight, who could possibly say?

Darwin the monkey bounced up and down. Fire was fun, at a distance.

‘Best offer assistance,’ puffed the colonel. ‘Put the launch on hold for now. Women and children first.’

‘Canst not be done,’ declared the corporal, buckling up his safety belt. ‘The automatic pilot hath been engaged. And verily the ship will rise into the heavens in but seconds now.’

Colonel Katterfelto, not a man to dither, dithered.

Then cried, ‘Bless my soul.’

For approaching at considerable speed and apparently pursued by most of the Metropolitan Police Force was a single hansom cab.

Colonel Katterfelto squinted. ‘It’s that Balls chap,’ said he.

Darwin the monkey gibbered and pointed.

‘Yes, my dear fellow, I see her, too. It’s young Alice in the cab. Unconscious, by the looks.’

‘Closeth the door,’ demanded the corporal, growing somewhat frantic. ‘If thou dost not close it, yea we shall be suckéd through it upon take-off’

Colonel Katterfelto put his hands to the door, but did not swing it shut.

‘Stop, hold hard,’ cried Cameron Bell, drawing the hansom to a halt.

‘Sorry, old chap,’ called the colonel. ‘We have to be off I’m afraid.’

Darwin bit the colonel on the leg. Darwin the monkey still had a thing about Alice.

‘Yes, you’re right, my dear fellow. Go on, hurry, help him.’

Darwin skittered down the gangway and helped Cameron Bell in lifting Alice down from the hansom cab.

The driver took to cowering. As bobbies in range took to blasting away with their ray guns.

Up the gangway went Cameron Bell, with Alice over one shoulder.

Darwin did what Darwin did: dropped his trousers, produced and flung dung towards the advancing policemen.

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