The End Is Near (A Zig-Zag Life Book 1) by Flores Abram

Author:Flores, Abram [Flores, Abram]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Unknown
Published: 2013-04-08T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 4

The New World

The funeral was four days later and I was still in a daze. My grandmother, aunt, uncle, and one of my cousins actually came to Columbus for the funeral. If I were in my right mind, I would have been shocked by this, but I barely registered in my blank mind. About twenty to thirty Witnesses came to the funeral also to support my mother. We searched through all of my father’s papers to find numbers for his family members to no avail. The whole day was a blur. Everyone was hugging my mother and offering their condolences. A few people spoke to me, but I didn’t even listen. A part of me wanted to die right then.

There was one brother from the Kingdom Hall that my father had taken a liking to and he was asked beforehand to say a prayer for my father at the graveside ceremony. At the last minute he walked up to my mother and informed her that he could not say the prayer because my father was a “non-believer”. My mother broke down crying and fell to her knees. I was furious at the amount of disrespect that I felt was being shown. Our family friend Roger quickly stepped in and said a prayer instead. We left the cemetery and went back home for an evening of reminiscing about my father.

Many of the people from the funeral came over to our small three bedroom apartment including my mother’s family from Pittsburgh. Eventually everyone left except for our family who stayed the night and left in the morning. When everyone was gone, it was just my mother and I, and we were both lost. Neither one of us said much about it but it was clear that we were both completely destroyed on the inside. My brother was off living on his own, and he kind of stayed away for a while after the funeral. I guess he was dealing with his grief in his own way.

In my mind, I felt like the walls were closing in on me at all times. I was an honor roll student before my father died, but when I returned to school I just didn’t care. It seemed to me that no one else cared either. I just wanted to scream out that I needed help, but I eventually just made myself numb from everything. School, my home, the Witnesses, none of it mattered anymore. I wanted to die and be placed in the ground next to my father. I began to really try to figure out how I may be able to kill myself. My mother was in a deep state of depression and she seemed to not be able to notice my mental state. Nothing mattered any more.

I made a decision that I was going to get a gun and kill myself a few weeks after my fathers death. There was a guy in the neighborhood that we called Boney Bone who had everything for sale.

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