The Emotionally Abusive Relationship_How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel

Author:Beverly Engel [Engel, Beverly]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-02-13T05:24:00+00:00

Step Four: Admit to Your Partner That You Have Been Emotionally Abusive

While it is difficult to admit to yourself that you have been emotionally abusive, admitting it to your partner may seem impossible. This is especially true for those who have difficulty admitting when they are wrong. If you are a proud person who finds it hard to acknowledge when you've made a mistake and who covers up any weakness or vulnerability with a mask of bravado, admitting that you've been abusive may be the hardest thing you ever have to do.

Isn't admitting it to myself enough, you might ask? Since I'm working on stopping my abusive behavior why should I have to tell my partner about it? She'll see the end results; isn 't that all that's important?

Admitting to your partner that you have been emotionally abusive will serve several purposes. First of all, it will help you continue to come out of denial. Dealing with the fact that you've been abusive can be so painful and so shame-inducing that you may constantly be tempted to minimize the damage you've caused or talk yourself out of facing up to it. By admitting it to your partner, you make it harder to deny it in the future.

You also owe it to your partner to admit that you have been emotionally abusive. She's been suffering from the effects of your behavior for some time now, and she may or may not realize it is abusive. If she doesn't understand that she has been emotionally abused, she deserves to know. She needs to be able to put a name to what she has been enduring, and she needs to be able to stop thinking she's crazy or that she's been imagining it all along. She needs to know so she can get some help for the debilitating effects of the abuse. Even if she has known she was being emotionally abused, she needs you to admit it to confirm her feelings and perceptions. And in many cases, she may need confirmation so she can stop blaming herself for all the relationship problems and for your abusive behavior.

Finally, you need to admit that you've been emotionally abusing your partner because you need to take responsibility for your actions. Don't hedge. Don't minimize. Owning up to your behavior and taking one hundred percent responsibility for it will be good for your selfrespect and your soul.

How should you go about admitting your abusiveness? I suggest you do it as directly and in as straightforward a manner as possible. Don't beat around the bush; don't just try to slip in into the conversation casually. Admitting that you have been emotionally abusive is an important step for you and for your partner, so give it the respect and significance it deserves.

Tell your partner you have something important to tell her or him or make an appointment to talk when you won't be distracted. Face your partner and look her directly in the eyes if you can. If you find that this is just too hard to do, write her a letter.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.