The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel

Author:Beverly Engel [Engel, Beverly]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Published: 2014-02-13T05:24:00+00:00

Step Four: Admit to Your Partner That You Have Been Emotionally Abusive

While it is difficult to admit to yourself that you have been emotionally abusive, admitting it to your partner may seem impossible. This is especially true for those who have difficulty admitting when they are wrong. If you are a proud person who finds it hard to acknowledge when you've made a mistake and who covers up any weakness or vulnerability with a mask of bravado, admitting that you've been abusive may be the hardest thing you ever have to do.

Isn't admitting it to myself enough, you might ask? Since I'm working on stopping my abusive behavior why should I have to tell my partner about it? She'll see the end results; isn 't that all that's important?

Admitting to your partner that you have been emotionally abusive will serve several purposes. First of all, it will help you continue to come out of denial. Dealing with the fact that you've been abusive can be so painful and so shame-inducing that you may constantly be tempted to minimize the damage you've caused or talk yourself out of facing up to it. By admitting it to your partner, you make it harder to deny it in the future.

You also owe it to your partner to admit that you have been emotionally abusive. She's been suffering from the effects of your behavior for some time now, and she may or may not realize it is abusive. If she doesn't understand that she has been emotionally abused, she deserves to know. She needs to be able to put a name to what she has been enduring, and she needs to be able to stop thinking she's crazy or that she's been imagining it all along. She needs to know so she can get some help for the debilitating effects of the abuse. Even if she has known she was being emotionally abused, she needs you to admit it to confirm her feelings and perceptions. And in many cases, she may need confirmation so she can stop blaming herself for all the relationship problems and for your abusive behavior.

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