The Dude's Guide to Manhood by Darrin Patrick

Author:Darrin Patrick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2013-11-01T04:00:00+00:00

SEVEN

LOVE KIDS: BECOME A FAMILY MAN

FAMILY MAN: SINGLE OR MARRIED, A MAN WHO SEES AND AFFIRMS HIS COMMITMENT TO THOSE WHO DEPEND ON HIM

JOE IS AN EXECUTIVE AND IS MARRIED WITH FIVE KIDS. Carlos is a single young professional. Both of them have told me on numerous occasions that since they were little boys, they have dreamed about having a family. They both daydreamed about what the kids would look like, what activities they would pursue with them, and what it would feel like to hang out with them. They pictured themselves meeting the right girl and growing old with her.

I couldn’t have been more opposite. I remember thinking about kids exactly twice before I got married. Both times were when my girlfriend was “late,” and I wasn’t exactly jubilant. I had never held a baby for more than a couple of minutes or changed a diaper until my first child was born to my wife and me. I had to learn on the fly, building the ship while sailing it. Not a good way to go.

Truth be told, I was a little scared of kids. They were unpredictable. They screamed. They cried. They were messy. They asked awkward questions. But it wasn’t just all that that made me concerned. Their presence reminded me how scared I was when I was a kid.

My parents were both born during the Great Depression. The economic hurricane almost destroyed our nation. It was so much worse than the recession that began in 2008 that comparisons are almost offensive. Growing up, Dad managed his business and Mom managed the home. Both of them worked extremely hard and were very frugal, perhaps with the memory of their childhoods in mind. As a result, my childhood was not a fun time for me. I don’t remember being at ease, really being able to enjoy being a kid, which translated into my lack of desire to have children.

My friend Mark has had quite a ride in his short life. Not even thirty years old, Mark earned a scholarship to Oklahoma to play football and was able to play in the national championship. Eventually he was drafted and enjoyed several years of success. Mark signed with a new team and was having the best four games of his career. Then, on a routine pass route, Mark blew out his knee. Three surgeries and two years later, Mark is still struggling to get back on the field. But while rehabbing his physical injuries, Mark also realized he needed some rehab on his childhood.

Mark grew up in a family where emotions were to be kept to yourself. If you were happy, sad, glad, or mad, you kept it bottled up. Mark was taught to stuff his anger, fear, and even his joy. To be open made you vulnerable. His reserve greatly benefited him professionally, but it killed him relationally. You can keep your emotions bottled up on the field, but you can’t do that with your wife and children.

Mark is realizing that he has to acknowledge the glory and gory of his upbringing.

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