The Creature Department by Robert Paul Weston

Author:Robert Paul Weston
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2013-10-07T16:00:00+00:00

“Well, if it ain’t Jean-Remy Chevalier!” said the head on the left (the one with the handlebar mustache).

“We just got the memo that you were coming up for a visit,” said the head on the right (the one with the horseshoe mustache).

The head in the middle (with the pencil mustache) said nothing.

“Allow me to introduce the keepers of the Abstractory,” said Jean-Remy. “Lester, Nestor, and Chester Preston.”

“Pleased to meet you,” said the two outside heads, speaking in unison. The head between them, the one called Nestor, merely nodded.

“That’s what you meant by the one in the middle,” Leslie said to Jean-Remy. She turned to Nestor. “He told us you were the quiet one.”

Nestor blinked at her but was otherwise expressionless.

“What about you other two?” asked Elliot. “Which is Chester and which is Lester?”

“That’s easy,” said the head on the right. He pointed to his brother on the opposite shoulder. “Lester starts with L and he’s on the left.”

“Technically,” Lester replied, “it’s a matter of perspective. I’m on their left but our right. Your L system only works if we’re standing face-to-face. It’s confusing. What if someone comes up behind us? Then you’ll be on the left.”

Chester raised his spiny eyebrows. “You think what I said was confusing?”

“Frankly, yes,” said his brother.

“You’re the one who’s making it complicated. Left. Lester. See? Simple.”

“Oh, yes, I can see the convenience; I just think we ought to strive for something more rigorous. Like our mustaches. Isn’t that why we grew them in the first place?”

Chester reached up to stroke his bushy horseshoe mustache. “Maybe that’s why you grew yours, but as for me? This ’stache is all about style.”

“Typical,” said Lester. “Mom always said you were the vain one.”

“Please, please, gentlemen,” Jean-Remy cut in. “We have important work to do.”

“Wait,” said Elliot. “How can we do this ‘important work’ if we don’t even know what this place is or what we’re supposed to do?”

“Seriously,” said Leslie. “What’s with all the bottles?”

Nestor, the mute middle head, furrowed his brow and nodded at them. He seemed to be saying, Yes, a very good question.

“These bottles?” said Chester, waving his arms at the strange shelves that surrounded them. “They contain the most important substances in all of creaturedom. We’ll show you.”

The Preston Brothers walked (or rather, flopped) behind the reception desk. They opened several different drawers with their tentacles and, taking advantage of their multiple heads, peered into several of them all at once.

“Did we lose it again?” asked Chester.

“Looks that way,” said Lester.

Nestor rolled his eyes in exasperation and one of the middle tentacles fished into the drawer in front of him, coming out with a small remote control.

“Good work, brother,” said Chester.

Nestor shook his head and pointed the remote at the wall. A large screen illuminated. On it was something both Elliot and Leslie recognized from science class.

“It’s the periodic table of elements,” said Elliot, but then he looked a bit closer. “Except that it isn’t.”

“There’re too many elements,” said Leslie.

“And number one is supposed to be hydrogen,” said Elliot.

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