The Art of Conversation by Judy Apps

Author:Judy Apps
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9780857085382
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2014-03-19T11:19:27+00:00

Sometimes, people fake connection in order to achieve a particular outcome – a sale for instance, or to gain information. But if you use the arts of connection merely to manipulate a result, people tend to be aware of it at some level and feel exploited. They might not show their awareness at the time as the full impact often hits later, but your underlying intentions are not as hidden as you think.

A friend described to me a phone call that had upset her. She shared a flat with a young woman whose boyfriend turned up from time to time, so she knew him but not well. One evening, a year after she had moved away and lost touch with her flatmate, the boyfriend called her, and spent at least 15 minutes asking her with great friendliness how she was and what she was doing. She responded openly and warmly. Then he suddenly interrupted her and interjected, “Oh, by the way, as I'm on the phone …” and proceeded to ask her a large favour that would help him in his business. The moment he had the information he was looking for, he ended the conversation brusquely. My friend said the penny dropped for her like a stone as she realized that the chatter had just been a “softening up” to get the introduction he was looking for. “I lost trust through that experience”, she confessed.

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