Rewiring the Addicted Brain with EMDR-Based Treatment by Laurel Parnell

Author:Laurel Parnell
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Epub3
ISBN: 9780393714241
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2019-08-28T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 10

Resources for Restoring a Sense of Inner Goodness

When we feel love and kindness toward others,it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

—DALAI LAMA

Many people in recovery from addictions feel as though they lost a part of themselves during the time they were using. They descended into a dark place where they engaged in behaviors and activities that did not feel good to them on a deep, spiritual level. They may have hurt people they cared about or committed acts that went against their basic moral code. This dark place is where they resided for the time of their addiction—where they engaged in activities and behaviors that they regret and feel shame about. They may feel tainted by this darkness, as though it now defines who they are. They may feel disgust and loathing toward themselves.

Even though they may have left that life, they may still feel this darkness resides inside them and defines their sense of self. It is as though they have lost the connection to their inner goodness. For people in recovery, or for those who are struggling to get there, feelings of shame, unworthiness, and self-hatred may feel intolerable, thus triggering relapse behavior that temporarily relieves the pain. They simply can’t bear feeling so bad about themselves. They feel they are bad people who don’t deserve to be happy.

I once worked with a man in his early 40s who was in treatment for porn and meth addiction. He was big and burly, built like a lumberjack; he kept his head down when he spoke and avoided meeting my eyes. His shoulders were slumped, and he spoke in a low voice, claiming he was “fine.” When we explored more deeply the time when he was using meth and compulsively watching porn, he described it as a time of darkness. He felt lost, doing things that he did not feel good about but had lost control over. He felt stuck in an intractable morass of negativity—so full of ugliness and shame that he couldn’t find his way out of it.

To bring some light to this inner darkness, I asked him about people he loved and cared for in his life. He brightened as he told me about his children and family. I could see right away that he felt better. I asked him to focus on those people and feelings he had for them, and I added bilateral stimulation (BLS). When I checked in with him, he sat up straighter, gave me eye contact, and smiled. It looked like a weight had lifted off his broad shoulders as he began to feel his inner goodness again. We continued down this line of resourcing, bringing in memories of good times with his children and adding BLS. More light entered his darkness.

I began to understand more clearly that the time of his addiction was a lost, corrupt time about which he felt deeply ashamed. His inner goodness

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