Narcotics Anonymous by Narcotics Anonymous

Author:Narcotics Anonymous [Narcotics Anonymous]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781557768896
Published: 2012-09-22T22:00:00+00:00

As an entertainer she traveled the world, but found herself in the isolation of addiction wherever she went. This dancer found grace out of the spotlight, in the rooms of NA.

A Brazilian Full of It!

Narcotics Anonymous rescued me from the depths of despair and gave me back my life. I was born in Rio de Janeiro and grew up in the north of Brazil in a big family. My father was angry and full of morals, but my mother was gentle and really good to us. Life was difficult, but I felt loved. We were taught to love others and be responsible. I thought of myself as special.

I was seventeen when I got drunk for the first time. I hated the taste but loved the way it made me feel. It was like the doors of the universe were opened to me. In 1974 I started dancing with a folklore company and was introduced to marijuana by another dancer. I absolutely loved the way I felt: Something was glowing inside me, making me feel strong. After that first one, I wanted another and another. When we went to smoke he took me behind the theater and told me not to tell. The secrecy was very exciting. The progression to other drugs came soon.

We traveled in Europe, and even without speaking other languages, we found drugs. I became more and more dependent on using. I was invited to stay in London and join a Brazilian theater company. Most of the actors used, and I felt at home. In the play all the actors were nude onstage. The first night I got really loaded to be able to take all my clothes off.

When the company went back to Brazil I stayed in London. I spent all my money on drugs and wound up living in a squat with other addicts, stealing from shops to eat, dancing topless for money. I experimented with acid with another addict—I tell you, we got more than we asked for. I got pregnant, and the decision to have an abortion was like deciding what to eat: There were no feelings (today when I think about it, I feel a lot). Two days after the abortion I was introduced to cocaine—that love affair lasted more than ten years.

The dance company was rehearsing another show, so I went back. I took LSD with me to sell. It was crazy, but I was so arrogant I never thought about consequences. In Brazil I started dealing. I knew it was dangerous, but I felt invincible.

I was approached by a buyer, and we arranged to meet. I was set up, and I am alive today only because I mentioned a friend one of them recognized. When they left I was shaking, my heart beating so fast I thought it would explode. One of them got arrested, and someone told me that the police were looking for a woman with red hair—that was me. I shaved my head.

I got pregnant again and had another abortion.

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