Mr. Burns and Other Plays by Anne Washburn

Author:Anne Washburn
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781559367943
Publisher: Theatre Communications Group
Published: 2017-04-06T00:00:00+00:00

THE THIRD ACT

A projection: Seventy-Five Years Later.

A proscenium arch, weathered and aged, with Simpsons’ characters carved into the side of it.

Ranged across the stage: a chorus of the Shades of Springfield.

Their faces bear a blurred similarity to faces we may recall from the TV series: Chief Wiggum, Nelson, Principle Skinner, Apu.

Edna Krabappel leads them.

Thunder.

CHORUS OF THE SHADES OF SPRINGFIELD:

There is a humming, and a musical set of syllables and sounds.

The chorus creates a highly musicalized version of an ambulance siren, then a version of a civil alert siren.

Meanwhile some musical urgent something underneath.

Meanwhile there is a choreography, and a dance.

EDNA KRABAPPEL:

The call came on the radio

and then the siren blared

and one by one all over Springfield

lights in windows flared

The music continues to intensify and change.

As characters take shape they do so as individuals, not as cartoon characters, there is no trace of voice or gesture from the original series.

CHORUS:

The call came on the radio

Chief Piggum grabbed his cap

Apu said use these buckets

APU:

There will be no charge for that

TROY MCLURE (Spoken): Good-good-good-good evening, I’m Troy McClure, you may know me.

EDNA AND APU:

And Willy grabbed his rake

WILLY:

I shook it with a mighty curse

EDNA, APU AND WILLY:

Ms. Krabappel grabbed her bullhorn,

and Thelma grabbed her purse

TROY MCLURE (Spoken): I’m here to report an incident at the Springfield Nucyalur Power Tower

ALL BUT FLANDERS:

Ned Flanders seized his cross

FLANDERS:

Because God is always handy

APU:

now that Apu’s back was turned Nelson

ALL BUT NELSON:

grabbed the candy

NELSON (A “half rap”):

Yes I grabbed the candy and I jammed it in my mouth. And I ran whooping to the yelling and the crowd was moving south that crowd was surging to the end of town where walls of flame rose through the air

ALL:

And we all ran over there

We ran towards the sirens blare

EDNA KRABAPPEL:

The smoke is streaming through the night

ALL:

and through the night a glare

We heard a boom was there a bomb

Mayor Quimby raised his hands for calm

Moe passed round pitchers of chablis

EDNA KRABAPPEL:

And no one shouted flee,

ALL:

Yes no one thought to flee

EDNA KRABAPPEL:

No, no one thought to flee

ALL:

Waaa Waaa Waaa Waaa

TROY MCLURE (Spoken): —what’s that Kent? I’m receiving a report from the site . . .

NELSON (A rap):

I said it’s only a fire the flames were cracking like bones I turned the corner rising over our homes the tower is broke no joke broken, smokin’, I can’t stop lookin’ and catch a whiff of that smell that’s not humans cookin’? I said fellas, ladies, follow after me—there’s people in there, there’s employee we gotta—

ALL:

Run we gotta run we gotta—

EDNA KRABAPPEL:

Above the smoke there is a moon

TROY MCLURE:

Reports from the site confirm that enigmatic Power Plant owner, M Burns, is inside the building—

ALL:

Gotta run we gotta run we gotta

EDNA AND WOMEN:

Behind the flame a million stars

NELSON:

Feets don’t fail me feets don’t fail me fuh-fuh-fuh feets don’t fail me

(don’t fail me feets!)

EDNA AND WOMEN:

The parking lot there’s bodies strewn

TROY MCLURE:

Remain calm. Stay where you are.

EDNA AND WOMEN:

Survivors struggle to their cars

TROY MCLURE:

There is no reason to evacuate.

NELSON:

Feets don’t fail me fuh-feets don’t fail me

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