Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Author:Vicki Tidwell Palmer
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781942094159
Publisher: Central Recovery Press, LLC
Published: 2016-05-01T16:00:00+00:00

EXERCISE

BOUNDARY SOLUTION STEP 2: IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS AND CREATE YOUR VISION

Here is a list of common needs that might apply to your current reality as you identified it in Boundary Solution Step 1. What are the needs that are not currently being met with regard to this situation? On your “5-SBS Clarifier,” note the two to three most important needs that stand out to you from the list below and add your own if necessary. A more comprehensive list of needs is provided in the Appendix.

Affection

Autonomy/Independence

Communication

Companionship

Harmony

Mutuality/Give & Take

Peace

Safety

Support

Authenticity/Genuineness

Closeness/Touch

Community

Freedom

Honesty

Order/Reliability

Respect

Stability

Trust

The second part of Boundary Solution Step 2 is getting clear on the outcome you want by writing it down. Ask yourself, “What is the outcome I want, or what is my vision, with regard to this issue?” Your vision should be specific and measurable (for example, “I want my partner to call me once a day between 8:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. when he is out of town”). Enter your answer now in the “5-SBS Clarifier” before continuing to Chapter Six.

Now that you’re clear about your needs and the outcome you want, how will you make it happen? The next step—Boundary Solution Step 3—is to determine where the power lies to get the results you want. Without knowing your power center, you will miss opportunities to take action where you have the power to do so, or you will waste valuable time and effort attempting to manage or control situations over which you have no control.

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