Mayakovsky: Plays (European Drama Classics) by Vladimir Mayakovsky

Author:Vladimir Mayakovsky [Mayakovsky, Vladimir]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Northwestern University Press
Published: 2017-02-18T16:00:00+00:00

SCENE III

A large room serving as a combination beauty parlor and barbershop. Mirrored walls, before which paper flowers are arranged. Bottles on the washstands. On the left, upstage, a grand piano with open jaws. On the right, a stove whose pipe goes twisting and winding through the room. In the center, a round banquet table. Seated at the table are PIERRE SKRIPKIN, ELZEVIRA RENAISSANCE, TWO BRIDESMAIDS and TWO GROOM’S ATTENDANTS, “MAMA” and “PAPA” RENAISSANCE, NUPTIAL GODFATHER (a bookkeeper), NUPTIAL GODMOTHER (his wife). OLEG BAYAN is seated center stage, with his back to the audience.

ELZEVIRA

Shall we begin, Skripochka?

SKRIPKIN

Just a minute.

(A pause)

ELZEVIRA

Skripochka darling, shall we begin?

SKRIPKIN

I said, “Just a minute.” I want to get married in an organized manner and in the presence of distinguished guests — especially in the presence of the secretary of our factory committee, the esteemed Comrade Lassalchenko. . . . So there!

GUEST (running in)

Esteemed bride and groom! Please be so magnanimous as to forgive my delay. I have been empowered by our esteemed leader, Comrade Lassalchenko, to convey his nuptial congratulations to you. “Tomorrow,” he says, I’d even be willing to go to a church for the wedding. But today,” he says, “there’s a Party meeting, and whether I like it or not, I have to go to the Party cell.” And so, as they say, let us proceed to current business.

PRISYPKIN

I hereby declare the wedding open.

ROSALIA PAVLOVNA

Comrades and messieurs! Please start eating! Where could you find pigs like these nowadays? I bought this ham three years ago in case of a war with Greece, or maybe with Poland. But there’s still no war, and the ham is going bad. Eat, messieurs!

ALL (raising their glasses)

Bitter! Bitter! Make it sweet!

(ELZEVIRA and SKRIPKIN kiss.)

Bitter! Bi-i-i-t—ter!

(ELZEVIRA drapes herself around SKRIPKIN’S neck. He kisses her sedately, with an air of working-class dignity.)

NUPTIAL GODFATHER

Give us some Beethoven! Some Shakespeare! Let’s have a show! Otherwise, what’s the use of always celebrating those anniversaries?

(The grand piano is dragged stage center.)

VOICES

The sides! Take hold of the sides! Oh, just look at the teeth it has! Makes you want to smash ’em!

PRISYPKIN

Don’t trample on the legs of my piano! BAYAN (stands up, weaves from side to side, and spills some of his drink)

I am happy, most happy, to witness the elegant conclusion, at this given interval of time, of the all-out fight that Comrade Skripkin has waged all along the way. True enough, somewhere along the way he lost his Party card. But on the other hand, he did acquire many government lottery tickets. We have succeeded in harmonizing and coordinating the class contradictions and other conflicts between the bride and groom. And he who is armed with the Marxist view cannot fail to see in this fact, as in a drop of water, so to speak, the future happiness of mankind — that which the common people call socialism.

ALL

Bitter! Bitter!

(ELZEVIRA and SKRIPKIN kiss.)

BAYAN

What great strides we are making in our forward march along the path of family construction! At the battle of Perekop,1 when all

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