Love That Lasts by Jefferson Bethke

Author:Jefferson Bethke
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2017-09-09T04:00:00+00:00

TAKEAWAY

None of our relationships or breakups are in vain. God, in His might and goodness, can use them to mature us and make us more whole and holy. Our love stories are in His hands. We can trust Him to write good ones.

JEFF

09

WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER

(Taylor Swift)

“Jeff, I’m already dating someone else.”

Those were hardest words I’d ever had to hear.

I’ve never experienced the death of a close family member or heard a doctor say I had a life-threatening disease, so I can say, without a doubt, those words from Alyssa were the most painful I’d ever received. Probably one of the most soul-crushing moments of my life. I felt mentally paralyzed and stunned.

To convey the weight of the story, though, I need to give a few quick background details. Alyssa had broken up with me about four months before this phone call. She’d broken up with me after a two-week mission trip during which she had “heard from God.” Classic, right? For the love, at least give it a few days and think about it. When you come home from the camp high, just make sure it was really God and not the hot dog macaroni and cheese speaking to you. (By the way, if you do hear from the Lord, then do what He says.)

Alyssa would probably say that was her way of letting me down easy rather than telling me she didn’t like me and didn’t see herself marrying me. But sometimes a “God told me” card can make it worse. Because it makes you feel like the other person has Skype access to Jesus while you’re still on that flip phone mess. Did she hear something I couldn’t?

The breakup was valid, though, and completely needed. Looking back, I realize I hadn’t been following Jesus that long, so I was still very much in the middle of rearranging my life around my new Christian identity. I still needed to work through a lot of baggage, specifically in regard to past relationships. Alyssa was older than me, had been a Christian for a lot longer, was out of college, and had a job. I was not quite as mature yet.

During our relationship, I was terrified of rejection, which showed itself in a lot of unhealthy ways. I had never risked or led or put myself out there in a relationship—which were the very things she was desperately looking for me to do. I was afraid of failure or her not liking something about me. I was never honest with my words or vulnerable, because I was afraid she would break up with me. Isn’t it interesting how the things I was doing to prevent Alyssa from seeing the real me became the things that led to the breakup? Because of my self-preservation mode, I sometimes came off as cold, distant, emotionally guarded. So when she broke up with me, I realized I had some serious work to do.

Even after four months, I wasn’t over Alyssa. I knew she was still the girl I wanted to marry.

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