Knot My Type by Evie Mitchell

Author:Evie Mitchell [Mitchell, Evie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Thunder Thighs Publishing

19

Frankie

We lay on my rumpled bed, our bodies cooling, spooned together like long-time lovers. Jay couldn't seem to stop touching me. Despite our passion having been spent, he ran lazy hands across my back, his fingers brushing lightly against the raised scars running the length of my spine.

"Spinal cancer," I said, answering his unspoken question. "I was three."

Jay's fingers stilled on my back.

"Moody for a toddler, always crying. My parents were at their wits' end. They couldn't work out why I was constantly upset. One day I fell and hit my head. They rushed me to the hospital and found the tumors. Turns out I'd been in horrible pain for months."

I paused, wondering if this might be a step too far in our relationship.

"All of these are from childhood?" Jay asked, lightly touching my scar tissue.

"No. They're from the multiple surgeries I've had in the decades since. The cancer is gone, but my spine is wrecked, the bones brittle. I've had spinal fusions and disc replacements in an effort to maintain my remaining mobility."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, it does. But I'm lucky. Some of my nerves are destroyed but others are fully functional. I can get around." I tossed him a grin over my shoulder. "I can experience orgasms, and I have some feeling in places. You take your wins where you get them."

"Do you need more operations?"

"Maybe. Not at the moment though."

We were both quiet, Jay's hands tracing the scars.

"Does it hurt?"

I chuckled, dropping my head back on the pillow. "Annie would tell you pain is relative. Is today a good pain day? Hell yes. Will tomorrow be?" I sighed. "Who knows."

"I wouldn't know from looking at you."

"Chronic pain is something you learn to deal with. Constantly telling people about it gets tiresome. Who wants to hear that? Well," I chuckled. "Except for Mai, Flo, and Annie."

"Why them?"

"They all have lived experience with disability. We met in high school thanks to a bad pizza in the cafeteria, but we bonded because of our experiences. Talking to people who have some concept of what you're dealing with can be freeing. You empathize because you get it."

Jay's fingers returned, slowly caressing my back, his rough calluses scraping pleasurably along my skin.

"Does this freak you out?" I asked softly.

"No. I'm just sorry the pain takes up space in your body joy should fill."

I looked over my shoulder. "Pain and joy aren't mutually exclusive. I can feel one while experiencing the other."

"You're an incredible woman, Frankie Kenton."

I let his praise sink deep into my bones.

He nuzzled my shoulder, pressing little kisses to my skin. "You said you liked the freedom that came from relinquishing control. Why?"

I closed my eyes, leaning into him. "So much of my life is regimented. Constrained. I'm always bound by some rule or barrier—it's exhausting. When I relinquish control, when I give it over to you, it's as if…." I trailed off, searching for the words.

"As if?" Jay prompted quietly.

"As if I'm free. I feel light, unburdened. I don't have to think, don't have to worry.

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