I Just Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict: I Just Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict by D. J. Burr

Author:D. J. Burr [Burr, D. J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780692299128
Amazon: 0692299122
Publisher: ABLE Counseling Services, LLC
Published: 2014-12-31T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWELVE

FEAR RUNS THE SHOW

Whenever I started to take better care of myself, and behave in healthier ways, getting sidetracked in a relationship was like my go-to reaction to sabotage it all. At some deep subconscious level, it was as if I didn’t want to be healthy, because I always ended up blowing any active steps that I did make in my life. I allowed anything, or anyone, whom I perceived to be better than myself, to get in the way. Once I had gotten involved with all of my college activities, I thought I was done with dysfunctional, meaningless relationships for a while, but I was wrong. Right after I signed up for the on-campus housing program at school, I met someone whom I thought would become my husband.

His name was Craig. Like most of the others, I met him online. But Craig was different (or so I thought). He was older, employed, and a father to a young son. I had always wanted children, so Craig having a child was a definite plus for me. Craig was sweet and sensible.

Craig and I had a whirlwind relationship. We met, and three weeks later he proposed to me—color me shocked, but happy. I saw this new relationship as an opportunity for growth. My work as a Resident Assistant was not due to start until the fall. And with that, Craig and I thought we should move in together.

Needless to say, I poured thousands of dollars into the process of moving Craig out of his place, and establishing our new home together. But just like so many times in the past, before we moved in together, I caught glimpses of many potential red flags in our relationship.

First off, I noticed that Craig didn’t seem capable of taking care of his own financial responsibilities. For example, his parents were paying for his car and auto insurance, and his last roommate had made accusations that Craig owed him a lot of money. Also, Craig’s son didn’t live with him, and he was behind on child support. Interestingly enough, this all appeared vaguely familiar, as my former stepfather, Richie, had this same kind of irresponsible financial archetype.

But as usual, I ignored the red flags. Instead, my denial kicked in, and I saw them as a challenge, which I would successfully navigate. After all, I had seen my mother navigate all of the red flags in her relationship with Richie, and I believed I could be more successful than her. I wanted to prove to myself, and everyone else, that I could fix any problem, and have the relationship I always wanted.

I made transitioning Craig’s life into a life that we could both find happiness in, my full-time job. So I helped him apply for jobs; I completed documents to help him get set up in college; I gave him money to pay down his child-support obligations; I even fronted most of the money for our new apartment, through loans in my name. I wanted everything to be perfect.

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