How to Win Any Argument by Robert Mayer

Author:Robert Mayer
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Career Press
Published: 2011-09-14T16:00:00+00:00

Tap #8: “Social Norm” Power

We live in a world where our conduct is influenced by two dynamics: the social norm “do the right thing” dynamic, and the “it’s business” economic dynamic. For most people it’s a difficult balance.

Sometimes, my tactic is to request a concession by casting my request as an opportunity for the other person to do the right thing; to not take advantage of a situation although it would be legal to do so.

Len, a mortgage lender, foreclosed on our client Helen’s house. At the foreclosure sale, title to the house changed from Helen to Len. Helen had made regular mortgage payments to Len for more than five years. But New Normal times were tough. As hard as she tried, she hadn’t be able to make any payments for about four months.

We asked Len if Helen could live in the house for six more weeks rent-free. This way, her 10-year-old son, Jake, could finish his school year. Len’s alternative was to opt for a speedy eviction.

I spoke to Len, who was one very tough businessman. The focus of my conversations with him was doing the socially right thing rather than Helen’s failure to make payments as promised in her loan agreement. Luckily, Len’s social conscious made it possible for Helen to stay in the house until the end of Jake’s semester.

AARP asked lawyers if they would give legal assistance to needy retirees at a fraction of their regular hourly rate. The response was no. But later, when AARP asked the lawyers to offer their services for free, their response was an overwhelming yes.

When money was a dynamic, the lawyers compared the highly discounted rate to their regular hourly billing rate. They weren’t prepared to take the hit. When volunteering, a social norm was the motivating dynamic. The lawyers’ decision was based not on money, but on what was “the right thing to do.”

Social norms are a source of self-definition: the type of person you are. The type of person you aspire to be. Social norms motivate acceptance of your concession requests when the other person is reminded that what he does defines his life values and who he is.

Tap into people’s need for recognition. People act in ways that will gain them recognition. Show the other person recognition—a pat on the back, encouragement, a special treat—and your beliefs may become his beliefs.

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