How We Love Our Kids by Milan Yerkovich

Author:Milan Yerkovich [Yerkovich, Milan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-72925-5
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2011-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

Do you see your child in the list above? Don’t be alarmed. You aren’t a bad parent. Whether we are adults or kids, we all have something that needs changing. Let us help you see how to encourage growth in your child.

Parents often describe the vacillator child as smart and adorable at times and then needy, clingy, frustrating, and impossible to satisfy at other times. Even as small kids, vacillators are prone to anger (or sulking if they are introverts), and this often sets up a negative pattern between parent and child. In reality, these are sensitive kids with a keen awareness of nonverbal communication and the level of attentiveness given by their moms and dads. They’re sensitive to mixed messages, inconsistencies, and incongruent behavior in parents that other kids might miss.

Justin was three when his mom, Amanda, called to make an appointment with me (Kay). “This kid is putting me over the edge,” Amanda explained on the phone. “He has always been demanding of my attention, but lately he won’t let me out of his sight. If I have to nurse the baby or talk on the phone, he just throws a tantrum. If I pick him up, he’s still mad. Yesterday he bit me when I peeled him out of my arms to drop him off at preschool. When it’s time to pick him up, he ignores me and refuses to get in the car. He won’t talk to me all the way home, so I just ignore him. Once we get home, he does things he knows will get him in trouble. I feel like I’ve lost control.”

“I’d like to meet with you and your husband,” I explained to Amanda. “Let me get a better understanding of your family, and we will go from there.”

At our first meeting, Amanda collapsed on the couch explaining, “Larry couldn’t come. His new job has a lot more travel, and he gets called out of town all the time. I’ve been alone since Tuesday with the kids, and I just had the usual dropping-off battle with Justin, even though he likes going to Grandma’s.” Amanda’s phone rang and she glanced at it. “Oh, I’ve been trying all day to get a hold of Tina; this will only take a second,” she explained. She spoke to her friend and finished with a stressed tone, then returned to me. “I coordinate the moms’ group at my church, and it seems someone is never doing their job.”

“Amanda, let’s start by looking beyond Justin’s behavior. What might be driving it? Try to think of stressors in Justin’s life. Have there been any recent changes in your family or his health or environment?”

“Nothing unusual; just same old life as usual,” Amanda replied without giving it much thought.

“How about your husband’s travel, is that new?”

“Yeah, he got a promotion about three months ago. I guess that’s a change. He didn’t used to travel at all, and now he’s gone a lot. It’s been hard. I don’t get any breaks.

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