Healing Victims of Sexual Abuse by Paula Sandford

Author:Paula Sandford
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Charisma House
Published: 2011-07-22T00:00:00+00:00

COMFORT AND HEALING FOR

DEEP WOUNDS—REPROGRAMMING THE

INNER COMPUTER

“I will be here for you” is a message that needs to be communicated verbally continually and confirmed in action. A victim of abuse feels she has been totally abandoned in her time of need and may be plagued by childish delusions that possibly she should have been rejected because of “bad things” inside that drew hurt to her. Her belief that she drew it to herself, that somehow she caused the hurt she endured, is one reason it is not uncommon for a victim to declare hatred toward her abuser and later speak momentarily in his defense when she hears others speaking ill of him.

She feels to a great extent isolated and rejected, even as an adult. Because of her damaged and crippled self-esteem, it is difficult for her to believe that she retains anything of blessing to contribute to a relationship. She finds it difficult to trust the motives of anyone’s intentions or their promises. Therefore, if you make a promise to “be there” for her sake, do it! Expect to be tested regarding your sincerity and availability. Be prepared to live what you say as best you can.

One study of father-daughter incest showed that more than half of the women in the studied sample had a history of major depressive disorder, more than one-third had attempted suicide, and one-fifth had engaged in significant substance abuse.2 The importance of faithfulness, integrity, and purity of motives in ministry must not be considered lightly. Your trustworthiness may mean life to someone—your lack of integrity, death.

Those who minister healing must be there for the wounded with tenderness and respect.

But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us … how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children.

—1 THESSALONIANS 2:7, 11,

emphasis added

One who has been sexually exploited by one she trusted, and is now daring to experience our friendship and/or ministry, is profoundly affected by how “devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly” we behave toward her. If some of her sharing seems difficult to believe, we must not add to her loss of self-esteem by challenging her credibility or by questioning her too explicitly. There will be time enough later for her to sort facts from fiction. We who minister to the sexually abused must keep our hearts pure from judging her and respond with patient understanding if our words or actions are misinterpreted or unreasonable demands are put upon us. We are called to comfort the afflicted.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us

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