Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal

Author:Ron L. Deal
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Family and Relationships;Families—Religious aspects—Christianity;Church work with stepfamilies;Stepfamilies;Devotional calendars;REL012030
ISBN: 9781493413676
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2018-01-04T05:00:00+00:00

June 29

When Anger Isn’t Really Anger

People who love well know what to ignore and what to follow up on.

I know it’s completely upside down, but when someone who cares for you is angry, it’s as if they’re saying, “I need you.” Here’s how it works: When we feel unimportant to someone we value—a parent, a spouse, a family member—we get angry to hide our feelings of vulnerability. Anger on the outside may actually be covering up fear and a desire to be important.

Now, what mature spouses, parents, and stepparents do when receiving someone’s anger is look past it to the desire behind it. Instead of anger or disappointment they hear, “I need you and want to be closer. . . . I miss you.” And they move toward that desire. They may calmly listen and give space for the anger or they may say something like “Your anger tells me you wish you could trust me more.” Whatever the response, they hear the invitation for further connection and they move toward it. And that’s when emotional pain dissolves into peace.

Lord God, help me remember to look past a loved one’s anger to see what it is they need from me.

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