Banish Your Inner Critic by Denise Jacobs

Author:Denise Jacobs
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Mango Media
Published: 2017-05-12T04:40:16+00:00

Creative Dose: Self-Talk Reboot

Purpose: To transform self-talk into a tool for empowerment

We’re going to revamp how we talk to ourselves. It’s time to celebrate: the days of mean self-talk are numbered! No more letting ourselves be beaten down by telling ourselves harsh criticisms in the first person. To separate ourselves from our self-critical thoughts, we’re going to use self-distancing, and mentally take a few steps back so that we can see ourselves more clearly and then guide ourselves to where we want to go.

Fortuitously, it turns out that self-distancing is a great tool for mindfulness, helping us to stay aware of what’s happening around us and view ourselves with objectivity, much as we would regard a friend. Because of this detachment from our self-critical stories, we can better practice self-kindness and compassion as well.

There are three steps to this process: First, we will practice getting distance from the part of ourselves that is the Inner Critic. Next, we will encourage ourselves as if we were a different person. Third, we will get a template for how to talk ourselves out of self-critical jams when we need it.

Step 1: From I to You

The part of you that is the highly self-critical Inner Critic is not you. You are more than your Inner Critic and self-berating. So let’s get some distance by giving your Inner Critic a voice and helping you to start to see and feel the difference between you and your self-criticisms. This exercise was adapted from the article “The Critical Inner Voice that Causes Depression,” by Lisa Firestone, PhD.119

When it comes up, tune into the voice of your self-criticism. In your journal or on a sheet of paper, write down these thoughts. However, in place of “I”, use “You.”

For example, your thought may be “None of my ideas are any good.”

You would change that to “None of your ideas are any good.”

Commit to do this exercise for a week. It will quickly raise your awareness of just how harsh your inner talk has been, and will also make you question whether your self-critical thoughts are truly your own perspective or a stance that you’ve inherited. Once you see how mean your negative self-talk is, you’ll be motivated to change it to something more positive.

Step 2: Third-Person Power

In one of Ethan Koss’ studies, participants were told to try to encourage themselves before giving a presentation. Those who used their names to give themselves a pep talk like “You can do this, Marcus. You’ve totally got this,” gave better talks, ruminated less, and felt less shame about their performance afterward. In contrast, those who tried to bolster their nervousness by using “I” felt less calm and less positive.44

When you’re in the ideation and creative stage of a project, when you most need ideas to flow, give yourself periodic boosts by talking to yourself in the third person.

Here are some examples:

“Roxanne, you are going to come up with something great!”

“Jonathon, just sit down and let your ideas flow.”

“Rashida, you really do great work.

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