At Home at the Zoo by Edward Albee

Author:Edward Albee [Albee, Edward]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: DRA000000, DRA001000
ISBN: 9781468307498
Goodreads: 9820447
Publisher: Overlook TP
Published: 2009-05-26T04:00:00+00:00

JERRY

I’ve been to the zoo.

(PETER doesn’t notice.)

I said, I’ve been to the zoo. MISTER! I’VE BEEN TO THE ZOO!

PETER

Hm? … What? … I’m sorry, were you talking to me?

JERRY

I went to the zoo, and then I walked until I came here. Have I been walking north?

PETER (Puzzled.)

North? Why … I … I think so. Let me see.

JERRY (Pointing past the audience.)

Is that Fifth Avenue?

PETER

Why yes; yes, it is.

JERRY

And what is that cross street there; that one, to the right?

PETER

That? Oh, that’s Seventy-fourth Street.

JERRY

And the zoo is around Sixty-fifth Street; so, I’ve been walking north.

PETER

(Anxious to get back to his reading.)

Yes; it would seem so.

JERRY

Good old north.

PETER (Lightly, by reflex.)

Ha, ha.

JERRY (After a slight pause.)

But not due north.

PETER

I … well, no, not due north; but, we … call it north. It’s northerly.

JERRY

(Watches as PETER, anxious to dismiss him, prepares his pipe.)

Well, boy; you’re not going to get lung cancer, are you?

PETER

(Looks up, a little annoyed, then smiles.)

No, sir. Not from this.

JERRY

No, sir. What you’ll probably get is cancer of the mouth, and then you’ll have to wear one of those things Freud wore after they took one whole side of his jaw away. What do they call those things?

PETER (Uncomfortable.)

A prosthesis?

JERRY

The very thing! A prosthesis. You’re an educated man, aren’t you? Are you a doctor?

PETER

Oh, no; no. I read about it somewhere; Time magazine, I think.

(He turns to his book.)

JERRY

Well, Time magazine isn’t for blockheads.

PETER

No, I suppose not.

JERRY (After a pause.)

Boy, I’m glad that’s Fifth Avenue there.

PETER (Vaguely.)

Yes.

JERRY

I don’t like the west side of the park much.

PETER

Oh?

(Then, slightly wary, but interested.)

Why?

JERRY (Offhand.)

I don’t know.

PETER

Oh.

(He returns to his book.)

JERRY

(He stands for a few seconds, looking at PETER, who finally looks up again, puzzled.)

Do you mind if we talk?

PETER (Obviously minding.)

Why … no, no.

JERRY

Yes, you do; you do.

PETER

(Puts his book down, his pipe away, and smiling.)

No, really; I don’t mind.

JERRY

Yes you do.

PETER (Finally decided.)

No; I don’t mind at all, really.

JERRY

It’s … it’s a nice day.

PETER (Stares unnecessarily at the sky.)

Yes. Yes, it is; lovely.

JERRY

I’ve been to the zoo.

PETER

Yes, I think you said so … didn’t you?

JERRY

I bet you’ve got TV, huh?

PETER

Why, yes, we have two; one for the children.

JERRY

You’re married!

PETER (With pleased emphasis.)

Why, certainly.

JERRY

It isn’t a law, for God’s sake.

PETER

No … no, of course not.

JERRY

And you have a wife.

PETER

(Bewildered by the seeming lack of communication.)

Yes!

JERRY

And you have children.

PETER

Yes; two.

JERRY

Boys?

PETER

No, girls … both girls.

JERRY

But you wanted boys.

PETER

Well … naturally, every man wants a son, but …

JERRY (Lightly mocking.)

But that’s the way the cookie crumbles?

PETER (Annoyed.)

I wasn’t going to say that.

JERRY

And you’re not going to have any more kids, are you?

PETER (A bit distantly.)

No. No more.

(Then back, and irksome.)

Why did you say that? How would you know about that?

JERRY

The way you cross your legs, perhaps; something in the voice. Or maybe I’m just guessing. Is it your wife?

PETER (Furious.)

That’s none of your business!

(A silence.)

Do you understand?

(JERRY nods. PETER is quiet now.)

Well, you’re right. We’ll have no more children.

JERRY (Softly.)

That is the way the cookie crumbles.

PETER (Forgiving.)

Yes … I guess so.

JERRY

Do you mind if I ask you questions?

PETER

Oh, not really.

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