40 Days without Food by Russ Masterson

Author:Russ Masterson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELIGION / Christian Life / Inspirational
ISBN: 9781414366487
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Published: 2011-06-14T16:00:00+00:00

Day 20

Saturday, October 2, 2004

Halfway. I stand on a summit, yet there are still another 20. I still wonder about the condition of my body—if I will make it. My weight has stabilized at 158, and I’ve miraculously had no headaches. I wonder if the man who usually resides in my head and chisels on my skull has moved to my heart. I wonder if he is chiseling away at my faithfulness and resolve. I do desperately hope God is moving on my behalf, that my life might have purpose, but I’m not sure it’s for me to know. This might all be about trust and not so much about purpose. I still don’t mention all my inner concerns and battles to Kristy. I don’t want her worrying or sensing the deep instability that she is attached to.

I remember when I bought Kristy’s engagement ring last year. I walked out of the store with the little box tucked in my pocket. Every few steps I’d glide my hand past the pocket to make sure it hadn’t fallen out. I carefully placed it in my passenger seat, making sure I buckled it in, glancing down at it every 30 seconds as I drove home. It was a treasure I could hold and move. I could manage this thing more than any treasure I’d owned before, more than my truck or my education, and definitely more than my faith. Faith is difficult like that. It can’t be tucked in your pocket or buckled into your passenger seat.

Faith can’t really be obtained, only received. It’s given by God—accepted by powerless people. “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it” (Ephesians 2:8-9). We are God’s because of grace through faith, not grace plus faith. And the faith is a gift of God, so we don’t walk around proud about our commitment or accomplishment. No pride means there’s no reason to be judgmental, and we have everything to be grateful for. The Bible says we are dead people who do not seek God unless drawn by his grace. Ephesians 2:1 says we are dead in our disobedience. This means, even while we might do good things, we have a sinful nature at work in us. We are bent toward pride and selfishness. We love control and independence, and we fight surrender and trust.

Last year I stood on the shores of my family’s lake property with a long pole saw, cutting high limbs that blocked our view of the water. And would you believe the entire time I was out there, approximately half a day, I never once noticed one of those grand trees grow? The same is true in my relationship with Kristy. I’ve never seen it grow in a day’s evaluation—barely in a week’s. And if I were a farmer

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