13 Things They Won't Tell You by Editors of Reader's Digest

Author:Editors of Reader's Digest [Munson, Marty]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781606525029
Publisher: Reader's Digest
Published: 2012-09-12T16:00:00+00:00

WHAT YOUR MALL SANTA WON’T TELL YOU

It turns out that Santa has a few requests of his own when it comes to managing this holiday tradition.

1. Some of us get bonuses for making our daily photo quota. So please forgive me if I try to move things along.

2. Never force your screaming kid onto my lap. Just bring him close and give me a few minutes.

3. Want to have more than just a few seconds with me? Skip the mall. Let’s meet at your kid’s preschool or a photo studio that invites Santa in for special portraits.

4. Between October and December, most of us work about 40 ten-hour days and listen to 30,000 children.

5. You’re ruining the fun. I’ve noticed a lot of you have started telling your kids the truth about me a lot younger than you used to. Sometimes you spoil things before your child even asks the question, just because you’re worried he’ll hear it from someone else. Please stop.

6. I’m not an orthodontist, either. Don’t ask me to tell your child why she needs to stop sucking her thumb.

7. As a matter of fact, I did go to school for this. Topics of study: how to hold children, manage sticky conversations, and care for my hair and beard.

8. I don’t have total recall. Don’t come back after a few minutes and ask what your kid requested. Stand close enough to listen.

9. It’s hard not to sweat in our heavy wool suits. To make sure we smell nice, some of us sprinkle baby powder in our beards; others use evergreen-scented colognes and sprays. And we’re always sucking on breath mints.

TOP SECRET! I love the kids, but my favorites are the old ladies in nursing homes. When they sit on my lap (which they love to do!), they turn into kids themselves, and their favorite Christmas memories come pouring out.

10. Please take your barely potty-trained two-year-old to the restroom before you get in line. Soil my suit, and it’s coal for you, buster.

11. Those of us with real beards think we’re superior. But the best of the rest of us pay as much as $3,000 to wig makers to make us authentic-looking whiskers.

12. I see you vigorously nodding your head, but even so, I will never, ever promise anything to a child.

13. I’ve been kicked in the shins, hit in the groin, scratched, bitten, and peed on. But there’s a reason I keep doing this year after year: This is the best work I’ve ever found.

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