12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid by Tim Elmore

Author:Tim Elmore
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780736958448
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers, Inc.

MISTAKE

8

We Give Them What They Should Earn

Aubrey is a young lady who desperately wants to be on her own and to learn to make her own choices. Unfortunately, this 21-year-old student at the University of Cincinnati has parents who claim they care so much for her, they can’t let her do that. So in January 2013, Aubrey Ireland got a restraining order on her parents for stalking her.

I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.

Ireland told the court that despite making the dean’s list, her parents would routinely drive 600 miles from Kansas to Ohio to make unannounced visits to her at school. They…installed keylogging software on her computer and cell phone to keep track of her every move.1

Aubrey even reported that her mother wanted to stay on Skype all night with her, basically to watch her sleep. All her life, they’ve been doing things for their daughter, so they felt their actions were only logical. After all, she belonged to them.

Sometimes parents just don’t know when to let go. The student told the court, “I was a dog with a collar on.”

Her parents soon could not get within 500 feet of her, and due to this order, they’re requesting the school pay back the tuition they’ve spent on their daughter. It’s now a battle. They accused her of drug abuse, promiscuity, and mental illness—they believe she needs them to watch her. It won’t surprise you that Aubrey is an only child.

The problem is, Aubrey is learning to be on her own the hard way.

Helicopter parents aren’t new. For years they’ve ignored boundaries and embarrassed their kids. Sometimes they even do this at their child’s workplace.

In June 2012, researchers at the College of Business and Economics at West Virginia University conducted a study of 340 students and found that many simply grow accustomed to parents’ constant involvement. Nearly 7 out of 10 students said it was “somewhat” or “very appropriate” to receive help from their parents writing a résumé or a cover letter. One-fifth of students thought it was fine to have their parents contact a prospective employer.2

Wow.

Very often, kids enjoy this parenting style. And why not? Their parents are doing things that spare them the hassle of working or striving or achieving. Most kids will take the big favor from us parents. Who wouldn’t want a personal assistant? The problem is, when kids get used to this overparenting, they become dependent. They get so used to it, they develop no resilience or ambition or work ethic. They get stuck.

On the other hand, some kids see what’s happening to them. Like Aubrey, they attempt to break the umbilical cord and launch out on their own. This can meet with resistance, both from within and without. Inwardly, the kids are unprepared for the future. And outwardly, they bump up against Mom or Dad when they try to spread their wings. Instead of seeing independence as a positive sign of maturing, helicopter parents resent the idea of self-sufficiency in their children, perceiving that they’re acting ungrateful.

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