1066 and Before All That by Ed West

Author:Ed West
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2017-04-10T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHT

The Last Viking

To make things worse, a third ruler now vied for the throne, the Norwegian madman Harald Siguardsson. The six-foot-six-inch Thunderbolt of the North, as he was known, was famed for showing no mercy to his enemies. One of his party tricks was to break a siege by attaching burning wood to the wings of birds, which would then fly back to their nests within the city, starting a fire, a method originally thought up by the Vikings in Russia.1 At a time when few heads of state fell into the liberal-democratic bracket, Harald’s nickname Hardraada—hard ruler—suggests he was not a man to be reasoned with.

Hardraada was the half brother of King Olaf II, the same Olaf who had torn down London Bridge, and might have appeared like something of a monster to his enemies (imagine the Mountain from Game of Thrones). Enormously tall and strong, he had blond hair, a long moustache and gigantic hands and feet, and one eyebrow higher than the other. He wore a distinctive mailcoat that went all the way down to his legs to protect his ankles, which his men all called Emma because it looked like a skirt.

Hardraada had inherited the throne from his nephew Magnus, and with it the idea that he should be king of England, a claim that went back to the agreement between Magnus and Hardicnut. It was all a bit tenuous, but after Hardicnut’s unlamented passing Magnus continued to make various threats about invading England without ever bothering to do it; until eventually his death put pay to the idea.

Despite his horrific attachment to violence, Harald was also obsessed with poetry, and saw everything in his life in terms of how it would sound in epic verse. Comparing Viking scald poetry to rap battles might sound like the sort of cringe-worthy analogy a teacher makes to desperately try to impress a class of scary teenagers, but that’s basically what it was, a celebration of masculine prowess setting the subject above his peers. What mattered most to Vikings were the songs people would sing about them celebrating their heroic deeds and all-round toughness. Indeed Harald himself wrote a poem, which went like this:

‘Now I have caused the deaths

Of thirteen of my enemies

I kill without compunction

And remember all my killings

Treason must be scotched

By fair means or foul

Before it overwhelms me

Oak trees grow from acorns.’

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