Within Arm's Reach by Ann Napolitano

Author:Ann Napolitano
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Catholic women, New Jersey, American First Novelists, Fiction, Fiction - General, Literary, Popular American Fiction, Conflict of generations, General, Irish American families, Sagas, Cultural Heritage, Pregnant women
ISBN: 9781400083220
Publisher: Random House, Inc.
Published: 2005-06-28T07:00:00+00:00

KELLY

My heart has been heavy since I found out that my oldest daughter has ruined her life and embarrassed herself. Since hearing the news, everything has been shuffled up and dark. My life feels like a teenager’s bedroom—everything a mess, in its wrong place and noisy.

My own bedroom is pristine. It has been months since Louis and I slept side by side. A situation I’d thought could only get better has gotten worse. I no longer have the energy necessary to run our marriage for the two of us. I’m having enough trouble finding a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I suppose I’m depressed.

Being around me makes Louis feel guilty, I know. I rarely see him, but strawberry frozen yogurt is in the freezer at all times. My favorite brand of pretzels is in the cabinet above the bar. The gas tank in my BMW is perpetually full. I never have to take out the recycling or bring in the mail. It is always done, everything is done, before I have the chance. I’m not sure when it happens. When I am out or asleep, I suppose. I give my husband plenty of opportunity to play phantom provider. I sleep the sleep of the drugged. Long and deep. Sleeping pills are my new best friend. And when I’m not asleep I am either at the office or in my room at the motel.

At the motel I try to pass time reading magazines. Occasionally I switch on the television, only to switch it off a moment later. I reorder the money in my wallet. I make sure the high-school photographs of Lila and Gracie are straight in their plastic covers. I file my credit cards in the order of which ones I use the most. I make sure my mobile phone is switched off. I check my To Do list in my Filofax. There are fewer items checked off these days. I have been too distracted to run the errands that need to be run. I have too many responsibilities.

Mostly what I do in the motel room is hide. I hide from phone calls from my mother and sisters. From the phone calls I am not getting from my daughters. I hide from what is left of my marriage. I know that it is only luck that Gracie or Lila or my mother hasn’t realized the truth of our situation. Louis and I probably won’t be able to keep it a secret much longer. Something will have to give. The elephant in the room is getting too fat to walk around, much less to pretend it isn’t there. And I hide from the reality that I often find myself thinking about Vince Carrelli. I have gone back to him for two more haircuts since the first.

Initially I didn’t like my new hairstyle, thought it was too short, but when a few days passed of simply showering and running my hands through my hair and not needing to use a blow dryer, I loved it.

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