Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow

Author:David Murrow [Murrow, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Religion, Christian Life, General, ebook, book
ISBN: 9780785260387
Google: Km9hamVob_wC
Amazon: 078523215X
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2004-10-21T07:00:00+00:00

Connor is a first grader. He’s having trouble sitting still while his Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Lennon, tries to teach the class about Balaam and the talking donkey. Connor is bored and starts making donkey noises. The other kids think Connor is funny. Mrs. Lennon does not. She finally remands the disruptive boy to Mrs. Karl, the Sunday school superintendent. Connor spends the rest of the hour alone, playing with an ancient flannelgraph in the storage closet. (Connor sets Jesus to dive-bombing the disciples as they walk along the Sea of Galilee.)

On to second grade. Connor is supposed to be coloring a picture of Daniel in the lions’ den. But instead, he’s folded his paper into an airplane, which makes a perfect crash landing in Loretta Jenkins’s ponytail. Connor and his friends are amused. Their teacher, Miss Ramirez, is not.

In third grade, Mrs. Carroll passes out well-worn King James Bibles to every student and then assigns each a passage to look up. Connor has the misfortune of drawing Daniel 1:1–7. As each student reads his or her verse, a pattern emerges: the girls are better than the boys at reading aloud. When Connor’s turn finally comes, he’s sweating with fear.

“In . . . the . . . third . . . year . . . of . . . the . . . reign . . . of . . . Jeh—Jeh-o—”

“Jehoiakim,” says Mrs. Carroll.

“Jehoyakeem king . . . of . . . Ju-dah . . . came . . . Neb—Nebu—”

“Nebuchadnezzar.”

“Nebu-kanezzer . . . king . . . of . . . Baby-lawn—”

The other kids titter. Mrs. Carroll shoots them a withering stare. “That’s Babylon. Please continue, Connor.”

In fourth grade, Connor’s teacher, Mrs. Wilson, passes out those same Bibles. She teaches the youngsters a new game: sword drills. Mrs. Wilson barks out a Bible reference, such as, “First John 4:7–8. Go!” Bibles flip open; pages and fingers fly. The first student to find the passage jumps up and reads it to the rest of the class. You can probably guess which gender usually jumps first.

Connor usually likes competition, but he’s not very good at this game. It combines two of his weaknesses: reading aloud and fine motor skills. Girls often read better than boys and do so at an earlier age. And throughout their lives, women have greater finger dexterity than men. Connor’s clumsy boy fingers aren’t very good at flipping through fine onionskin pages. One time he thought he found a verse, but he read from John’s gospel instead of John’s first epistle. Disqualified.

In fifth grade, Connor is assigned the role of a wise man in the Sunday school Christmas pageant. He has to wear a fake beard and sing a solo. Connor is chosen because he’s one of the few boys who still attend Sunday school regularly. Connor feels like a fool wearing a towel over his head and dyed cotton balls on his face. Somehow he manages to get through his part, delivering his lines with the enthusiasm of a convict headed for the gallows.

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