Who Thought This Was a Good Idea? by Alyssa Mastromonaco

Author:Alyssa Mastromonaco
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography / Political
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2017-03-21T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 5

Some Personal Shit You Should Probably Know

Sometime in early August of that year, Plouffe was in my office and we were shooting the shit. Since I am a master typist, I was looking at him, talking, and typing an email at the same time, which I might have done on any given day. But as he was leaving, he got this worried look on his face. He furrowed his brow in a very classic Plouffe expression and asked, “What are you doing?”

I looked at the computer. Nothing I had typed made sense. It wasn’t even words.

I had been losing things lately. I had misplaced my keys. I would get in the car and not remember if I had fed my cat, Shrummie. I had misplaced my beloved binder more than once; I had even left it at home one day, which I had never done before in my life. Earlier that summer I forgot that I had already put my NuvaRing in, put a second one in, and didn’t realize until I got my period and two Nuvas popped out. (Luckily that explained the historic adult acne I had developed that month.) When I saw the nonsense on my screen, all this came together, and I panicked. I was convinced I had a brain tumor. I also, apparently, didn’t realize I had started talking to myself, because after Plouffe walked out, my assistant, Brundage, heard me talking—saying what, I don’t know—and called the White House Medical Unit. He told them I was on my way and sent me over. I walked past the Rose Garden and down the Colonnade fighting back tears.

Working in the White House is incredible, but it is also completely, totally exhausting—and exhausting isn’t even descriptive enough. You set your alarm for 5:00 AM and wake up only to assess the state of your hair; “It looks fine,” you decide, and go back to sleep until 5:15. You wake up at 5:15 and negotiate with yourself that “fresh faces are beautiful,” to get in that second tranche of 15 minutes. Working for the president got me to stop wearing makeup altogether; it’s becoming popular now, but back then you would come in with nothing on and everyone would ask if you were sick. You told yourself the dark circles made you look like an operative working in the Green Zone, even though you really lived in Georgetown with a nice man and a Persian cat.

The absolute best part is the White House Med Unit. Doc Jackson calmed me down and gave me a complete neurological exam. I was so panicked I don’t remember much of it, but I think he tested my reflexes and coordination, and I walked back and forth a few times. He concluded that due to extreme exhaustion caused by lack of sleep, I was operating at about 50 percent of my capacity. I agreed I would go to sleep—not just be in bed, but, like, snoozing—by 10:00 PM and take Ambien for a few weeks.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.