Upside Down by Mark Davis

Author:Mark Davis
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
Tags: Political Science, Political Ideologies, Conservatism & Liberalism, American Government, National
ISBN: 9781621575344
Publisher: Regnery Publishing
Published: 2016-08-16T05:00:00+00:00

Kids are resilient; divorce is no big deal.

We’ve all heard of husbands and wives who cast their marriages against the rocks, rationalizing that it’s better to tear apart their children’s homes when they are younger. “They’re resilient when they’re young,” the excuse goes. “They’ll get over it.”

How nice for parents to cut and run because they didn’t get exactly what they bargained for. What a delicious power, to be able to hit a big reset button on a whim and cast the children into a nightmare of two homes, maybe in distant cities, two bedrooms, two Christmases, two dramas of single parenthood, and then, hey, maybe a new person in Mommy or Daddy’s bed?

This heart-rending scene hardly raises an eyebrow any more. And the fact is that kids are indeed resilient. In a world of undercommitted men and women, they had better be.

Of course there are marriages that need to end. In cases of unredeemable abuse or irreparably shattered trust, the victim is justified in packing up the kids and venturing out in search of peace and stability. But that’s not why most marriages end today.

Most marriages end today because of laziness. Those vows are hard, and keeping them takes work. So many people are so focused on a daily barometer of happiness that they lose sight of the source of real joy: committing to God, to our spouses, and to our children for the duration. If we strive to be the best husbands and wives and parents we can be, we won’t have as much time to wallow in our own petty complaints. Meanwhile, the families we create will radiate the gratitude that brings us the greatest chances for real happiness.

It doesn’t always work out that way, of course. But every time a mom or dad decides to pack it in, a promise made to the kids is destroyed. Every child has the right to expect an intact family throughout childhood. If the parents have to make some sacrifices, that’s part of the bargain.

How many parents who have abandoned their kids resort to the classic rationalization “Better for them to have two peaceful households than one in conflict”? Here’s an idea: resolve the conflict. Get your act together and keep the promises you made on your wedding day and on the day those children were born.

Divorces will happen, and sometimes they are justified. But no one should minimize the atom bomb dropped on children when Mom and Dad don’t want to keep their promises any more.

I watched a documentary a few years ago about the life and work of the underappreciated Beatle George Harrison, a cultural figure of great import but maybe not the most loyal and devoted husband. Nevertheless, he and his second wife, Olivia, remained married for more than thirty years, until his death in 2001. Her advice for achieving a long marriage is brilliant in its simplicity: “Don’t get divorced.”

Take the commitment not to divorce, add the energy and love that can result in actual joy, and miracles can happen.

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