Twelve (Stories Concerning Love and Death) by Todd Rigney

Author:Todd Rigney [Rigney, Todd]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Barren Press
Published: 2011-05-08T16:00:00+00:00

Happy Harmony Weight Loss Program

Gregory Diamond was fat.

He preferred the term obese, or, alternatively, overweight. Sometimes he'd stand on the scale in his bathroom and groan as he strained to get a good look at his mythical penis. He had to assume the legend was true.

His mother and father never mentioned to their friends that their high school track star was now a wobbling, waddling blob of a man, an enormous shell of his former self. Even though nobody dared to mention his excessive body fat to his face, he knew they were whispering behind closed doors, making snide remarks when his ears were otherwise occupied.

However, none of this extra baggage had prevented Gregory from living life to the fullest. He still walked confidently around the malls in his hometown, ate religiously at his favorite fast food restaurants, and pretty much came and went as he pleased. His weight, he figured, wasn't anyone's problem but his own. And if someone felt the need to make an issue out of it, then they could take a long hike off a short cliff.

If you can't handle the waves, then get out of the fucking ocean.

During his glory days, Gregory was a sleek and slender athlete, a sex symbol within his social circle. He jogged each and every morning, did countless sit-ups and push-ups each and every single night, and was a stickler about what kind of food he put into his immaculate body each and every day. The ladies were always in abundance, their eyes sparkling with desire.

Gregory was in heaven.

After college, he landed a job as an overpaid automaton for a faceless national corporation that specialized in nothing in particular. Gone were the exercises, the early morning jogging sessions, the calorie-conscious decisions. Gone were the six-pack abs, the cord-like veins running the length of his muscular arms, and the tennis pro calves he'd worked so hard to develop.

Those around him said nothing about the change. With Gregory's legendary temper and razor-sharp wit, you simply didn't dare to make negative comments about his size. You just smiled, nodded, and went about your day as though the world had been tailor-made to fit his sagging, bloated ass.

No sense agitating the elephant in the room.

After a particularly painful Christmas holiday, Gregory began feeling a little down in the dumps. Whenever the big guy had a fleeting moment to spare, he'd break out his old high school yearbooks and recount the years he spent as a trim, muscular teen hunk. The nostalgia would engulf him.

Then, after spending several hours in a foggy haze of regret, Gregory would frown, sigh, and mindlessly stuff a handful of delicious miniature chocolate chip cookies into his puffy red face. And as the crumbs tumbled endlessly from his lips, he'd fight to keep from blubbering like a neglected child all over those glorious black-and-white memories.

As the weeks went by, his depression didn't lift an inch. Whenever he'd step out of a steamy shower to retrieve an expensive towel from his heated towel rack, he'd completely avoid looking at his body in the mirror.

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