Tinker Dabble Doodle Try by Srini Pillay M.D

Author:Srini Pillay, M.D. [Pillay, Srini]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2017-05-02T00:00:00+00:00

Ask Solution-Based Questions

Armed with a new mental calmness and simply stated sense of possibility, you’re ready to start asking yourself productive, solution-oriented questions. The operative phrase here is solution-oriented. That is, don’t ask open-ended What should I do? questions of yourself, but shift to How can I make this happen? What specific things can I begin to do? Instead of asking, How do I change my life?, which is so daunting that it might make you feel more stuck, ask instead, How have others successfully navigated this impasse? By being solution-oriented, you’re using focused techniques to navigate a very unfocused sense of possibility. In your brain, focus and unfocus are working together in a more productive cognitive rhythm. You don’t default to either extreme.

Jackie looked around at other marriages—those she admired as well as those she thought were problematic—and also at those who had broken through the glass ceiling at work. Seeing how others had navigated these waters gave her a template to work from and tailor to her own situation.

Think of being solution-oriented as “playing to win” rather than “playing not to lose.” Consider the case of my tennis hero, Serena Williams. In the 2012 U.S. Open, she was tied with Victoria Azarenka, one set each. In the third set, Serena found herself down by two games at 3–5. Victoria was looking strong, but Serena did not prepare to lose. Slowly but surely, and rather amazingly, Serena marched back from her deficit and won the last set at 7–5. In a postmatch interview, she said that rather than focusing on the high probability of losing the tournament, she shifted her mind to consider a different question: What would it take to win? Calculating that all she needed was twelve more points, she used possibility thinking to guide her point by point to the trophy. In other words, she switched from “probability” thinking (what are my chances here?) to “possibility” thinking (twelve more points and I’m there!).

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