Things I Wanted To Say: (but never did) by Monica Murphy

Author:Monica Murphy [Murphy, Monica]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: EM Publishing
Published: 2021-07-28T18:30:00+00:00

Twenty-Six

Summer

Late November is when they all say the first snow comes to campus, but this year, it arrives a little earlier. On the eighteenth to be exact, in the middle of the day while I’m in class, bored and staring out the window, light flurries begin to fall, eventually turning into bigger flakes. They stream steadily from the dark sky throughout the afternoon and by nightfall, the entire campus is blanketed in winter white.

The teachers can’t stop talking about the unusual cold front as they mess with the hissing radiators in our classrooms, complaining about the temperature. Lancaster Prep is housed in beautiful historic buildings, their heating and cooling systems archaic. This prompts a debate in American Government, my last class of the day. Students want modernizations to the buildings, arguing that it’s the twenty-first century. Don’t we deserve central heat and air? The teachers agree, but say modernizations would destroy the integrity of the buildings.

This turned into a debate for the rest of class, and I was bored out of my skull. As usual. All I can think about is how badly I want out of here.

But I have nowhere to go.

It’s a strange day. We’re all distracted, staff included. We’re two days away from Friday, the last day before Thanksgiving break. Everyone is anxious to leave the newly formed winter wonderland our campus has magically turned into. Conversations buzzed during classes throughout the day, louder than usual about vacation plans. Tropical getaways, shopping excursions, visits with family—though those are deemed boring. Passe. It’s as if we’re in prison and they’re about to finally let us out.

I wish I could go somewhere. Anywhere. But I’m not leaving. Mother and I spoke often leading up to this week. Stilted conversations on the phone I wish I could replace with the occasional text, they’re so awkward. I don’t mention the break, and neither does she, but it’s there.

We both know it.

As the date draws closer, it hovers between us, until she finally mentions she’s going on a short trip to the Caribbean with a group of friends. Will I be okay alone? She needs the escape, she’s quick to explain, not allowing me to answer her yet. After everything she’s been through, all the suffering throughout the last year. The fire, the insurance claims, handling the estate, the legal fight she’s facing with the first Mrs. Jonas Weatherstone.

What can I say to that? How can I protest? Of course, I tell her to go. I even remind her to take sunscreen, like I’m the parent and she’s the child. I’m the responsible one in our ever-evolving relationship.

That would be hilarious, if it wasn’t so sad.

The dormitories stay open during the break for any students without a place to go, and I let my dorm advisor know I’ll be staying. The sympathetic look on Ms. Thompson’s face annoys the shit out of me, and when she opens her mouth, the words, “I’m sorry,” about to fall from her lips, I cut her off and tell her I have to go or I’ll be late for class.

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