They Were Still Born by Janel C. Atlas
Author:Janel C. Atlas
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4422-0412-6
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
As a labor and delivery nurse for many years, I have held families in my arms both through joy and through sorrow. And my heart has been touched in both instances. I spent over forty years learning and teaching about perinatal loss and the effect these kinds of losses have on parents, families, and health care professionals. It certainly is not an easy topic, but it is one that must continue to be pursued until there are no more babies who die.
My most profound teacher about perinatal loss was my firstborn child. I had always dreamed of becoming a mother. Becoming a labor and delivery nurse only fueled this desire. After five years of marriage and many tests for infertility, our dream finally came true . . . I was pregnant! We were so thankful and overjoyed.
My pregnancy passed uneventfully until I was in my ninth month. I reached 41 weeksâ gestation and there were no signs of labor. Because of my irregular menstrual cycles the doctor felt we could have miscalculated my due date. So the days ticked by until my 44th week. My membranes ruptured; before we left for the hospital a great foreboding overtook me. I was experienced in checking fetal position by doing Leopoldâs Maneuvers, an external examination to determine fetal position. The doctor had told me the baby was breech, but I was feeling a large body mass on the top. How could this be my babyâs head? The part I was feeling was soft and large, not hard and mobile.
When we arrived at the hospital I was taken to X-ray to have a pelvimetry done; this is an X-ray of the size of the baby versus the size of the pelvis. The doctor was there with me, and I asked him if the babyâs head was all right. He replied that everything would be fine.
The obstetrician left me and went to tell my husband that our baby was not breech and that he had a condition known as anencephaly (absence of the brain). He suggested to my husband that I not be told until after I delivered.
Throughout my thirty-six-hour labor, my husband supported me with calmness and love. He would take breaks outside the room and cry. There was no one there to support him, to hug him, or to comfort him. He would dry his tears and come back to be by my side. This went on hour after hour, until finally I was taken alone to the delivery room. My husband was left to wonder and worry about what was happening to me and our baby. He had no idea if the baby would be born alive or not. All he knew was that our babyâs condition was not compatible with life. If he wasnât stillborn, he was certain to die within a few hours of being born. What must he have gone through in those horrendous hours all by himself? Avoidance by the staff was more than obvious, and that has stuck with my husband to the present moment.
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