The Way of Aikido by George Leonard

Author:George Leonard
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2000-05-31T16:00:00+00:00

My Worst Hit as a Writer

For writers, the saying goes, the best part of doing a book is signing the contract and getting the first check; after that, it’s all struggle and sweat. A few months after signing the contract for one of my books, I sent in the first part of the manuscript, for which I expected to get the second portion of my advance. A couple of weeks later, on a trip to New York, I agreed to meet my new editor for lunch at one of those midtown bistros known for their literary clientele.

It seemed he could hardly wait for the obligatory glass of sauvignon blanc before handing me an envelope containing a check for the first part of the manuscript.

“It’s the most alive book I’ve read,” he said, practically quivering with excitement. “It’s sure to be a best-seller.”

I floated out of the bistro. On the westbound flight, I felt the plane could make it all the way to San Francisco on my ki alone. Home again, I wrote with confidence and enthusiasm, finished the next portion of the book, and mailed it in. Two weeks passed, a month, two months—no response. Finally, I phoned my agent to find out what was up. Another week passed with no news. Then one Friday morning, just as I walked out the door to drive down to Esalen to give a weekend workshop, I heard the phone ring. Should I answer it or just keep going?

Something seemed to draw me back in. It was my agent. “Now we know why we haven’t heard anything from your publisher,” he said, his voice less alarmed than incredulous. He went on to tell me that there was not going to be any next installment of the advance. In fact, though the book was not even finished, the publisher was turning it down. Not only that, it was demanding that I immediately return all the money it had advanced me—which I had already spent. I walked out of the house in a state of shock, got in my car, and started driving south.

At first, I was too dazed to do anything except drive. By the time I reached the freeway, however, I realized I’d better start doing the exercise I was going to be teaching during the weekend workshop. My upbringing as a Southern male had explicitly and implicitly taught me to be brave, maintain control, never admit weakness, never display any sign of emotionality. But how could I teach a new way of dealing with sudden and unexpected blows without doing it myself after this, my worst hit as a writer?

I started out by fully acknowledging that I had taken a terrific blow. I felt shocked, disparaged, deeply hurt. Where did I feel these things? Certainly there was a grievous pain in my heart, a hollow feeling in my solar plexus, a pressure in the back of my head.

Then there was the matter of money, the money I had already spent. How could I make it up? Maybe I could get another publisher, another advance.

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