The Veteran by A. Rivers

Author:A. Rivers [Rivers, A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Two Roads Press Limited

SAGE

I drew back so I could see Kade’s face. His dark eyes were awash with emotion, and I could tell he expected me to withdraw from him. He clearly held himself at least partially responsible for what had happened with Charlotte and for the ugliness of the aftermath. In a way, I understood much better now where his tendency to hold himself responsible for everything came from, and why he’d stepped in after we saw Getty outside that coffee shop what felt like weeks ago now. He didn’t trust anyone else to do what needed to be done. His friend had let him down in the past, and then Kade hadn’t reacted the way he thought he should have. This must be why he didn’t consider himself worthy of me.

I considered my next words carefully. He was poised to push me away and I didn’t want to give him any excuse to. “It must have been difficult for you. You were only young—your friend too—and I doubt either of you had any experience in dealing with that kind of thing.”

Kade grunted something that could have been agreement. “But he still should have checked on her. Hell, I should have checked on her. I shouldn’t have just given up any of the responsibility for making sure she was okay. I knew what my friend was like when he met a new girl, and I still let it happen.”

“Her death was tragic,” I said. “But it wasn’t your fault. She must have felt like she was backed into a corner. People make terrible mistakes when they think they have no way out.”

“I should have been there for her.” He sounded anguished. “I should have made her tell me what had happened.”

The years obviously hadn’t healed this emotional wound. Instead, it had festered.

“You couldn’t force her to do that,” I replied. “You did what you thought best at the time. It’s easy to see what could have been done differently in hindsight, but when you’re neck-deep in a situation, nothing is quite so clear.”

“I knew she was unhappy.”

“And you asked about it, but she didn’t want to talk,” I pointed out. “You agreed to a buddy system with your friend. You did the best you could.”

His face twisted into an ugly sneer. “I offloaded responsibility to someone I should have known wouldn’t be up to the job, and then I beat a guy until he was nearly unrecognizable. I don’t think that’s doing ‘my best.’”

I rested a hand over his heart. It was thudding hard and fast. “You’re good in here.”

“How do you know that?” His expression changed to something pleading, as if he actually wanted me to convince him of his own inherent decency. “I thought I’d changed, but I didn’t need to punch that guy who broke in here. Once I’d subdued him, I should have stopped. But I didn’t, because I haven’t changed at all. I’m violent, and maybe you should be scared of me. I don’t trust anyone—not even myself—and you shouldn’t either.

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