The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath by Sylvia Plath

Author:Sylvia Plath
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780307429506
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2007-12-17T16:00:00+00:00

Amazing how warm a gauze of nylon stocking is: just decided not to go bare-legged and suddenly stopped sneezing. If only Ted doesn't object too much to the noise, I will enjoy the summer here in spite of the constant traffic. When I am blue - as yesterday, I think about death, about having to die having lived awake to so little of the world - of the dreams of glory - lives of great authors, moviestars, psychiatrists. People who don't have to grub for money. Then I think of my gross fears at having a baby which I suppose center around that crucial episode at the Boston Lying-In so many years ago when that anonymous groaning woman, shaved & painted all colors, got cut, blood ran, water broke, & the baby came with bloody veins & urinated in the doctor's face. Every woman does it: so I cower & want, want & cower. I also think of how far I fall short from the ideal of Doris Krook - what a slipshod part time scholar I am - no nun, no devotee. And how, on the other hand, very far I fall short from writing - how many thousand publish in the New Yorker, the Sat Eve Post, who work, study, get material, and I, I dream & boast I could do it but don't & maybe can't. What else? O the desire to write a novel & a book of poems before a baby. The desire also for money which I am miserly about, not buying clothes, nor frills, although I could go wild doing so - startling dresses & frivolously colored shoes to match. Amazing how money would simplify problems like ours. We wouldn't go wild at all, but write & travel & study all our lives - which I hope we do anyway. And have a house apart, by the side of no road, with country about & a study & walls of bookcases. -

Wednesday: April 30: Clock rounding fast, faster, toward midnight and I am more than usually sick of being tired. In twenty minutes it will be Mayday which, as I so wittily explained to my class, means Distress, or 'M'aidez' in the airforce, and hence exam day. Thank heaven: I couldn't stand a full week of lecturing. Today: cold, after thickening rain last night. Cold & sunny. It seems I've been running about all day - more & more tired in the morning. A dash to Arvin in time to hear roughly the same things about The Bostonians I heard four years ago. Cheated my conscience & skipped art & the earnest Spanish Gordon" from the Spanish department who explained so well yesterday how Goya the rationalist who drew witches & monsters did exist. Drove straight down town in the chill, brilliant light - to the bank, to buy 3 jerseys @ $1.98 to renew my 'teaching wardrobe' for the ensuing month - a bright medium blue with a shock almost purple, a white, and a scoop neck with thin horizontal red, white & blue stripes.

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